Latest news with #FrontiersinPsychology
Hamilton Spectator
a day ago
- Health
- Hamilton Spectator
NFL widows struggled to care for ex-players with CTE. They say a new study minimizes their pain
BOSTON (AP) — Dozens of widows and other caregivers for former NFL players diagnosed with CTE say a published study is insulting and dismissive of their experience living with the degenerative brain disease that has been linked to concussions and other repeated head trauma common in contact sports like football. An open letter signed by the players' wives, siblings and children says the study published in the May 6 issue of Frontiers in Psychology suggests their struggles caring for loved ones was due to 'media hype' about chronic traumatic encephalopathy, rather than the disease itself. The implication that 'caregiver concerns are 'inevitable' due to 'publicity' is callous, patronizing, and offensive,' they said. 'The burden we experienced did not happen because we are women unable to differentiate between our lived experience and stories from TV or newspaper reports,' they wrote in the letter. 'Our loved ones were giants in life, CTE robbed them of their futures, and robbed us of our futures with them. Please don't also rob us of our dignity.' The pushback was led by Dr. Eleanor Perfetto, herself a medical researcher and the widow of former Steelers and Chargers end Ralph Wenzel, who developed dementia and paranoia and lost his ability to speak, walk and eat. He was first diagnosed with cognitive impairment in 1999 — six years before Pittsburgh center Mike Webster's CTE diagnosis brought the disease into the mainstream media. 'My own experience, it just gave a name to what I witnessed every day. It didn't put it in my head,' Perfetto said in an interview with The Associated Press. 'It gave it a name. It didn't change the symptoms.' The study published last month asked 172 caregivers for current and former professional football players 'whether they believed their partner had 'CTE.'' Noting that all of the respondents were women, Perfetto questioned why their experiences would be minimized. 'Women run into that every day,' she said. 'I don't think that's the only factor. I think the motivation is to make it seem like this isn't a real issue. It's not a real disease. It's something that people glommed on to because they heard about it in the media.' Hopes for study 'quickly turned to disappointment' The letter was posted online on Monday under the headline, 'NFL Caregivers to Harvard Football Player Health Study: Stop Insulting Us!' It had more than 30 signatures, including family of Hall of Famers Nick Buoniconti and Louis Creekmur. It praises the study for examining the fallout on loved ones who weathered the violent mood swings, dementia and depression that can come with the disease. The letter says the study gets it wrong by including what it considers unsupported speculation, such as: 'Despite being an autopsy-based diagnosis, mainstream media presentations and high-profile cases related to those diagnosed postmortem with CTE may have raised concerns among living players about CTE.' The letter said these are 'insulting conclusions that were not backed by study evidence.' 'Rather than exploring the lived experiences of partners of former athletes, they instead implied the partners' anxiety was caused by watching the news ... as if the media is to blame for the severe brain atrophy caused by CTE in our loved ones,' they wrote. Study authors Rachel Grashow and Alicia Whittington said in a statement provided to the AP that the goal of their research is 'to support NFL families, especially those caring for affected players or grieving for lost loved ones.' 'We regret if any of our work suggested otherwise,' they said. 'Our intent was not to minimize CTE — a disease that is far too real — but to point out that heightened attention to this condition can intensify existing concerns, and that symptoms attributed to CTE may, in some cases, stem from other treatable conditions that also deserve recognition and care.' But Perfetto feared the study was part of a trend to downplay or even deny the risks of playing football. After years of denials, the NFL acknowledged in 2016 a link between football and CTE and eventually agreed to a settlement covering 20,000 retired players that provided up to $4 million for those who died with the disease. (Because it requires an examination of the brain tissue, CTE currently can only be diagnosed posthumously.) 'Why would a researcher jump to 'the media' when trying to draw conclusions out of their data, when they didn't collect any information about the media,' Perfetto told the AP. 'To me, as a researcher, you draw the implications from the results and you try to think of, practically, 'Why you come to these conclusions? Why would you find these results?' Well, how convenient is it to say that it was the media, and it takes the NFL off the hook?' 'By players, for players' The caregivers study is under the umbrella of the Football Players Health Study at Harvard University , a multifaceted effort 'working on prevention, diagnostics, and treatment strategies for the most common and severe conditions affecting professional football players.' Although it is funded by the NFL Players Association, neither the union nor the league has any influence on the results or conclusions, the website says. 'The Football Players Health Study does not receive funding from the NFL and does not share any data with the NFL,' a spokesperson said. Previous research — involving a total of more than 4,700 ex-players — is on topics ranging from sleep problems to arthritis. But much of it has focused on brain injuries and CTE, which has been linked to contact sports, military combat and other activities that can involve repetitive head trauma. When he died with advanced CTE in 2012 at age 69, Wenzel could no longer recognize Perfetto and needed help with everyday tasks like getting dressed or getting out of bed — an added problem because he was a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than she is. 'When he died, his brain had atrophied to 910 grams, about the size of the brain of a 1-year-old child,' the letter said. Former Auburn and San Diego Chargers running back Lionel 'Little Train' James, who set the NFL record for all-purpose yards in 1985, was diagnosed with dementia at 55 and CTE after he died at 59. 'Treatable conditions were not the reason Lionel went from being a loving husband and father to someone so easily agitated that his wife and children had to regularly restrain him from becoming violent after dodging thrown objects,' the letter said. 'They were not likely to be the driving force behind his treatment-resistant depression, which contributed to alcoholism, multiple stays in alcohol rehabilitation treatment centers, arrests, suicidal ideation, and ultimately, his commitment to a mental institution.' Kesha James told the AP that she would disable the car to keep her husband from driving drunk. She said she had never spoken of her struggles but chose to tell her story now to remove the stigma associated with the players' late-in-life behavior — and the real-life struggles of their caregivers. 'I have videos that people probably would not believe,' James said. 'And I'll be honest with you: It is nothing that I'm proud of. For the last three years I've been embarrassed. I'm just going public now because I do want to help bring awareness to this — without bringing any shame to me and my kids — but just raise the awareness so that no other family can experience what I did.' ___ AP NFL:
San Francisco Chronicle
a day ago
- Health
- San Francisco Chronicle
NFL widows struggled to care for ex-players with CTE. They say a new study minimizes their pain
BOSTON (AP) — Dozens of widows and other caregivers for former NFL players diagnosed with CTE say a published study is insulting and dismissive of their experience living with the degenerative brain disease that has been linked to concussions and other repeated head trauma common in contact sports like football. An open letter signed by the players' wives, siblings and children says the study published in the May 6 issue of Frontiers in Psychology suggests their struggles caring for loved ones was due to 'media hype' about chronic traumatic encephalopathy, rather than the disease itself. The implication that 'caregiver concerns are 'inevitable' due to 'publicity' is callous, patronizing, and offensive,' they said. 'The burden we experienced did not happen because we are women unable to differentiate between our lived experience and stories from TV or newspaper reports,' they wrote in the letter. 'Our loved ones were giants in life, CTE robbed them of their futures, and robbed us of our futures with them. Please don't also rob us of our dignity.' The pushback was led by Dr. Eleanor Perfetto, herself a medical researcher and the widow of former Steelers and Chargers end Ralph Wenzel, who developed dementia and paranoia and lost his ability to speak, walk and eat. He was first diagnosed with cognitive impairment in 1999 — six years before Pittsburgh center Mike Webster's CTE diagnosis brought the disease into the mainstream media. 'My own experience, it just gave a name to what I witnessed every day. It didn't put it in my head,' Perfetto said in an interview with The Associated Press. 'It gave it a name. It didn't change the symptoms.' The study published last month asked 172 caregivers for current and former professional football players 'whether they believed their partner had 'CTE.'' Noting that all of the respondents were women, Perfetto questioned why their experiences would be minimized. 'Women run into that every day,' she said. 'I don't think that's the only factor. I think the motivation is to make it seem like this isn't a real issue. It's not a real disease. It's something that people glommed on to because they heard about it in the media." Hopes for study 'quickly turned to disappointment' The letter was posted online on Monday under the headline, 'NFL Caregivers to Harvard Football Player Health Study: Stop Insulting Us!' It had more than 30 signatures, including family of Hall of Famers Nick Buoniconti and Louis Creekmur. It praises the study for examining the fallout on loved ones who weathered the violent mood swings, dementia and depression that can come with the disease. The letter says the study gets it wrong by including what it considers unsupported speculation, such as: 'Despite being an autopsy-based diagnosis, mainstream media presentations and high-profile cases related to those diagnosed postmortem with CTE may have raised concerns among living players about CTE." The letter said these are "insulting conclusions that were not backed by study evidence.' 'Rather than exploring the lived experiences of partners of former athletes, they instead implied the partners' anxiety was caused by watching the news ... as if the media is to blame for the severe brain atrophy caused by CTE in our loved ones," they wrote. Study authors Rachel Grashow and Alicia Whittington said in a statement provided to the AP that the goal of their research is 'to support NFL families, especially those caring for affected players or grieving for lost loved ones.' 'We regret if any of our work suggested otherwise,' they said. 'Our intent was not to minimize CTE — a disease that is far too real — but to point out that heightened attention to this condition can intensify existing concerns, and that symptoms attributed to CTE may, in some cases, stem from other treatable conditions that also deserve recognition and care.' But Perfetto feared the study was part of a trend to downplay or even deny the risks of playing football. After years of denials, the NFL acknowledged in 2016 a link between football and CTE and eventually agreed to a settlement covering 20,000 retired players that provided up to $4 million for those who died with the disease. (Because it requires an examination of the brain tissue, CTE currently can only be diagnosed posthumously.) 'Why would a researcher jump to 'the media' when trying to draw conclusions out of their data, when they didn't collect any information about the media,' Perfetto told the AP. "To me, as a researcher, you draw the implications from the results and you try to think of, practically, 'Why you come to these conclusions? Why would you find these results?' Well, how convenient is it to say that it was the media, and it takes the NFL off the hook?' 'By players, for players' The caregivers study is under the umbrella of the Football Players Health Study at Harvard University, a multifaceted effort "working on prevention, diagnostics, and treatment strategies for the most common and severe conditions affecting professional football players.' Although it is funded by the NFL Players Association, neither the union nor the league has any influence on the results or conclusions, the website says. 'The Football Players Health Study does not receive funding from the NFL and does not share any data with the NFL,' a spokesperson said. Previous research — involving a total of more than 4,700 ex-players — is on topics ranging from sleep problems to arthritis. But much of it has focused on brain injuries and CTE, which has been linked to contact sports, military combat and other activities that can involve repetitive head trauma. When he died with advanced CTE in 2012 at age 69, Wenzel could no longer recognize Perfetto and needed help with everyday tasks like getting dressed or getting out of bed — an added problem because he was a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than she is. "When he died, his brain had atrophied to 910 grams, about the size of the brain of a 1-year-old child,' the letter said. Former Auburn and San Diego Chargers running back Lionel 'Little Train' James, who set the NFL record for all-purpose yards in 1985, was diagnosed with dementia at 55 and CTE after he died at 59. 'Treatable conditions were not the reason Lionel went from being a loving husband and father to someone so easily agitated that his wife and children had to regularly restrain him from becoming violent after dodging thrown objects,' the letter said. 'They were not likely to be the driving force behind his treatment-resistant depression, which contributed to alcoholism, multiple stays in alcohol rehabilitation treatment centers, arrests, suicidal ideation, and ultimately, his commitment to a mental institution.' Kesha James told the AP that she would disable the car to keep her husband from driving drunk. She said she had never spoken of her struggles but chose to tell her story now to remove the stigma associated with the players' late-in-life behavior — and the real-life struggles of their caregivers. 'I have videos that people probably would not believe,' James said. 'And I'll be honest with you: It is nothing that I'm proud of. For the last three years I've been embarrassed. I'm just going public now because I do want to help bring awareness to this — without bringing any shame to me and my kids — but just raise the awareness so that no other family can experience what I did." ___
Winnipeg Free Press
a day ago
- Health
- Winnipeg Free Press
NFL widows struggled to care for ex-players with CTE. They say a new study minimizes their pain
BOSTON (AP) — Dozens of widows and other caregivers for former NFL players diagnosed with CTE say a published study is insulting and dismissive of their experience living with the degenerative brain disease that has been linked to concussions and other repeated head trauma common in contact sports like football. An open letter signed by the players' wives, siblings and children says the study published in the May 6 issue of Frontiers in Psychology suggests their struggles caring for loved ones was due to 'media hype' about chronic traumatic encephalopathy, rather than the disease itself. The implication that 'caregiver concerns are 'inevitable' due to 'publicity' is callous, patronizing, and offensive,' they said. 'The burden we experienced did not happen because we are women unable to differentiate between our lived experience and stories from TV or newspaper reports,' they wrote in the letter. 'Our loved ones were giants in life, CTE robbed them of their futures, and robbed us of our futures with them. Please don't also rob us of our dignity.' The pushback was led by Dr. Eleanor Perfetto, herself a medical researcher and the widow of former Steelers and Chargers end Ralph Wenzel, who developed dementia and paranoia and lost his ability to speak, walk and eat. He was first diagnosed with cognitive impairment in 1999 — six years before Pittsburgh center Mike Webster's CTE diagnosis brought the disease into the mainstream media. 'My own experience, it just gave a name to what I witnessed every day. It didn't put it in my head,' Perfetto said in an interview with The Associated Press. 'It gave it a name. It didn't change the symptoms.' The study published last month asked 172 caregivers for current and former professional football players 'whether they believed their partner had 'CTE.'' Noting that all of the respondents were women, Perfetto questioned why their experiences would be minimized. 'Women run into that every day,' she said. 'I don't think that's the only factor. I think the motivation is to make it seem like this isn't a real issue. It's not a real disease. It's something that people glommed on to because they heard about it in the media.' Hopes for study 'quickly turned to disappointment' The letter was posted online on Monday under the headline, 'NFL Caregivers to Harvard Football Player Health Study: Stop Insulting Us!' It had more than 30 signatures, including family of Hall of Famers Nick Buoniconti and Louis Creekmur. It praises the study for examining the fallout on loved ones who weathered the violent mood swings, dementia and depression that can come with the disease. The letter says the study gets it wrong by including what it considers unsupported speculation, such as: 'Despite being an autopsy-based diagnosis, mainstream media presentations and high-profile cases related to those diagnosed postmortem with CTE may have raised concerns among living players about CTE.' The letter said these are 'insulting conclusions that were not backed by study evidence.' 'Rather than exploring the lived experiences of partners of former athletes, they instead implied the partners' anxiety was caused by watching the news … as if the media is to blame for the severe brain atrophy caused by CTE in our loved ones,' they wrote. Study authors Rachel Grashow and Alicia Whittington said in a statement provided to the AP that the goal of their research is 'to support NFL families, especially those caring for affected players or grieving for lost loved ones.' 'We regret if any of our work suggested otherwise,' they said. 'Our intent was not to minimize CTE — a disease that is far too real — but to point out that heightened attention to this condition can intensify existing concerns, and that symptoms attributed to CTE may, in some cases, stem from other treatable conditions that also deserve recognition and care.' But Perfetto feared the study was part of a trend to downplay or even deny the risks of playing football. After years of denials, the NFL acknowledged in 2016 a link between football and CTE and eventually agreed to a settlement covering 20,000 retired players that provided up to $4 million for those who died with the disease. (Because it requires an examination of the brain tissue, CTE currently can only be diagnosed posthumously.) 'Why would a researcher jump to 'the media' when trying to draw conclusions out of their data, when they didn't collect any information about the media,' Perfetto told the AP. 'To me, as a researcher, you draw the implications from the results and you try to think of, practically, 'Why you come to these conclusions? Why would you find these results?' Well, how convenient is it to say that it was the media, and it takes the NFL off the hook?' 'By players, for players' The caregivers study is under the umbrella of the Football Players Health Study at Harvard University, a multifaceted effort 'working on prevention, diagnostics, and treatment strategies for the most common and severe conditions affecting professional football players.' Although it is funded by the NFL Players Association, neither the union nor the league has any influence on the results or conclusions, the website says. 'The Football Players Health Study does not receive funding from the NFL and does not share any data with the NFL,' a spokesperson said. Previous research — involving a total of more than 4,700 ex-players — is on topics ranging from sleep problems to arthritis. But much of it has focused on brain injuries and CTE, which has been linked to contact sports, military combat and other activities that can involve repetitive head trauma. When he died with advanced CTE in 2012 at age 69, Wenzel could no longer recognize Perfetto and needed help with everyday tasks like getting dressed or getting out of bed — an added problem because he was a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than she is. 'When he died, his brain had atrophied to 910 grams, about the size of the brain of a 1-year-old child,' the letter said. Former Auburn and San Diego Chargers running back Lionel 'Little Train' James, who set the NFL record for all-purpose yards in 1985, was diagnosed with dementia at 55 and CTE after he died at 59. Thursdays Keep up to date on sports with Mike McIntyre's weekly newsletter. 'Treatable conditions were not the reason Lionel went from being a loving husband and father to someone so easily agitated that his wife and children had to regularly restrain him from becoming violent after dodging thrown objects,' the letter said. 'They were not likely to be the driving force behind his treatment-resistant depression, which contributed to alcoholism, multiple stays in alcohol rehabilitation treatment centers, arrests, suicidal ideation, and ultimately, his commitment to a mental institution.' Kesha James told the AP that she would disable the car to keep her husband from driving drunk. She said she had never spoken of her struggles but chose to tell her story now to remove the stigma associated with the players' late-in-life behavior — and the real-life struggles of their caregivers. 'I have videos that people probably would not believe,' James said. 'And I'll be honest with you: It is nothing that I'm proud of. For the last three years I've been embarrassed. I'm just going public now because I do want to help bring awareness to this — without bringing any shame to me and my kids — but just raise the awareness so that no other family can experience what I did.' ___ AP NFL:
Hindustan Times
a day ago
- Health
- Hindustan Times
NFL widows struggled to care for ex-players with CTE. They say a new study minimizes their pain
BOSTON — Dozens of widows and other caregivers for former NFL players diagnosed with CTE say a published study is insulting and dismissive of their experience living with the degenerative brain disease that has been linked to concussions and other repeated head trauma common in contact sports like football. An open letter signed by the players' wives, siblings and children says the study published in the May 6 issue of Frontiers in Psychology suggests their struggles caring for loved ones was due to 'media hype' about chronic traumatic encephalopathy, rather than the disease itself. The implication that 'caregiver concerns are 'inevitable' due to 'publicity' is callous, patronizing, and offensive,' they said. 'The burden we experienced did not happen because we are women unable to differentiate between our lived experience and stories from TV or newspaper reports,' they wrote in the letter. 'Our loved ones were giants in life, CTE robbed them of their futures, and robbed us of our futures with them. Please don't also rob us of our dignity.' The pushback was led by Dr. Eleanor Perfetto, herself a medical researcher and the widow of former Steelers and Chargers end Ralph Wenzel, who developed dementia and paranoia and lost his ability to speak, walk and eat. He was first diagnosed with cognitive impairment in 1999 — six years before Pittsburgh center Mike Webster's CTE diagnosis brought the disease into the mainstream media. 'My own experience, it just gave a name to what I witnessed every day. It didn't put it in my head,' Perfetto said in an interview with The Associated Press. 'It gave it a name. It didn't change the symptoms.' The study published last month asked 172 caregivers for current and former professional football players 'whether they believed their partner had 'CTE.'' Noting that all of the respondents were women, Perfetto questioned why their experiences would be minimized. 'Women run into that every day,' she said. 'I don't think that's the only factor. I think the motivation is to make it seem like this isn't a real issue. It's not a real disease. It's something that people glommed on to because they heard about it in the media." The letter was posted online on Monday under the headline, 'NFL Caregivers to Harvard Football Player Health Study: Stop Insulting Us!' It had more than 30 signatures, including family of Hall of Famers Nick Buoniconti and Louis Creekmur. It praises the study for examining the fallout on loved ones who weathered the violent mood swings, dementia and depression that can come with the disease. The letter says the study gets it wrong by including what it considers unsupported speculation, such as: 'Despite being an autopsy-based diagnosis, mainstream media presentations and high-profile cases related to those diagnosed postmortem with CTE may have raised concerns among living players about CTE." The letter said these are "insulting conclusions that were not backed by study evidence.' 'Rather than exploring the lived experiences of partners of former athletes, they instead implied the partners' anxiety was caused by watching the news ... as if the media is to blame for the severe brain atrophy caused by CTE in our loved ones," they wrote. Study authors Rachel Grashow and Alicia Whittington said in a statement provided to the that the goal of their research is 'to support NFL families, especially those caring for affected players or grieving for lost loved ones.' 'We regret if any of our work suggested otherwise,' they said. 'Our intent was not to minimize CTE — a disease that is far too real — but to point out that heightened attention to this condition can intensify existing concerns, and that symptoms attributed to CTE may, in some cases, stem from other treatable conditions that also deserve recognition and care.' But Perfetto feared the study was part of a trend to downplay or even deny the risks of playing football. After years of denials, the NFL acknowledged in 2016 a link between football and CTE and eventually agreed to a settlement covering 20,000 retired players that provided up to $4 million for those who died with the disease. 'Why would a researcher jump to 'the media' when trying to draw conclusions out of their data, when they didn't collect any information about the media,' Perfetto told the . "To me, as a researcher, you draw the implications from the results and you try to think of, practically, 'Why you come to these conclusions? Why would you find these results?' Well, how convenient is it to say that it was the media, and it takes the NFL off the hook?' The caregivers study is under the umbrella of the Football Players Health Study at Harvard University, a multifaceted effort "working on prevention, diagnostics, and treatment strategies for the most common and severe conditions affecting professional football players.' Although it is funded by the NFL Players Association, neither the union nor the league has any influence on the results or conclusions, the website says. 'The Football Players Health Study does not receive funding from the NFL and does not share any data with the NFL,' a spokesperson said. Previous research — involving a total of more than 4,700 ex-players — is on topics ranging from sleep problems to arthritis. But much of it has focused on brain injuries and CTE, which has been linked to contact sports, military combat and other activities that can involve repetitive head trauma. When he died with advanced CTE in 2012 at age 69, Wenzel could no longer recognize Perfetto and needed help with everyday tasks like getting dressed or getting out of bed — an added problem because he was a foot taller and 100 pounds heavier than she is. "When he died, his brain had atrophied to 910 grams, about the size of the brain of a 1-year-old child,' the letter said. Former Auburn and San Diego Chargers running back Lionel 'Little Train' James, who set the NFL record for all-purpose yards in 1985, was diagnosed with dementia at 55 and CTE after he died at 59. 'Treatable conditions were not the reason Lionel went from being a loving husband and father to someone so easily agitated that his wife and children had to regularly restrain him from becoming violent after dodging thrown objects,' the letter said. 'They were not likely to be the driving force behind his treatment-resistant depression, which contributed to alcoholism, multiple stays in alcohol rehabilitation treatment centers, arrests, suicidal ideation, and ultimately, his commitment to a mental institution.' Kesha James told the that she would disable the car to keep her husband from driving drunk. She said she had never spoken of her struggles but chose to tell her story now to remove the stigma associated with the players' late-in-life behavior — and the real-life struggles of their caregivers. 'I have videos that people probably would not believe,' James said. 'And I'll be honest with you: It is nothing that I'm proud of. For the last three years I've been embarrassed. I'm just going public now because I do want to help bring awareness to this — without bringing any shame to me and my kids — but just raise the awareness so that no other family can experience what I did." /hub/NFL
Yahoo
13-06-2025
- General
- Yahoo
Have You Settled In Life? 15 Signs You're Comfortable, Not Happy
Comfort isn't always a reward. Sometimes, it's the velvet prison you don't realize you're trapped in until the air starts to feel too still. Settling doesn't always look like misery—it often disguises itself as predictability, ease, or 'good enough.' But there's a difference between peace and passivity, and many of us are coasting in the latter without realizing it. Here are 15 signs you haven't found happiness—you've just found a routine that asks nothing from you. And that might be the biggest red flag of all. You tell yourself you're just being cautious or responsible, but underneath that restraint is a fear that rocking the boat might reveal how little you actually enjoy being in it. It's easier to stay in the same job, the same city, the same relationship—not because they bring joy, but because they don't require emotional effort. According to Dr. Susan David, a Harvard psychologist and author of Emotional Agility, people often confuse comfort with alignment, staying in safe spaces that actually contradict their values. The result? A slow erosion of self, masked as 'being stable.' You stop asking questions like 'What excites me?' and start asking 'What's least likely to blow up my life?' That's not growth—it's self-abandonment. You think avoiding decisions will preserve your peace, but all it really does is delay your discomfort. And over time, indecision becomes its own form of surrender. You watch someone else take a leap—quit their job, move countries, start a weird podcast—and a sharp pang of envy hits you. It doesn't even make sense. You don't admire their choices or want their life, but something about their courage makes your comfort feel suffocating. It's not about them. It's about the parts of you that are still craving motion. Envy is rarely about the person—it's a flashlight pointed at your own buried desires. When you're truly happy, you don't resent other people's freedom. But when you're comfortable and stagnant, someone else's boldness can feel like an accusation. And that twinge? That's the truth you're not saying out loud. You find yourself scrolling through old photos, telling the same college stories, or reliving moments from years ago that felt like magic. Nostalgia isn't inherently bad, but when it becomes your emotional home, it's a sign the present has gone dull. In a 2021 study published in Frontiers in Psychology, researchers found that people who regularly fixated on positive past experiences reported lower life satisfaction than those who envisioned future goals. Translation: being stuck in the glory days is not a mood—it's a warning. Instead of planning what's next, you're mourning what's gone. That longing for 'when things felt real' is a craving for depth you've stopped pursuing. The most dangerous thing about settling is that it convinces you your best days are behind you. And when you believe that, you stop chasing anything new. There's no real drama, no major highs or lows—just a long, low-grade numbness that you've mistaken for peace. Your days are predictable, your emotions muted, and your excitement nearly extinct. The problem isn't that anything's wrong. It's that nothing feels right enough to move you. That emotional neutrality might seem functional, but it's often a sign that you've gone emotionally offline. Feeling 'fine' all the time might sound like balance, but often it means you've stopped giving yourself permission to want more. Happiness requires risk. It demands you care about something enough to feel the full range of emotion. But when you settle, you trade aliveness for stability. And the cost is higher than you think. You set safe goals, pursue predictable outcomes, and rarely stretch past what you already know you can do. It feels responsible, but it's actually avoidance dressed up as ambition. As Dr. Brené Brown explains in her research on vulnerability, people often "armor up' with perfectionism and control when they're scared of being seen failing. That armor might keep you from falling—but it also keeps you from flying. Instead of chasing what lights you up, you build a life around not being embarrassed. You're motivated by fear of loss, not hunger for growth. And while that might earn you approval, it won't bring you joy. Because real happiness doesn't come from playing not to lose—it comes from being willing to risk it all for something that matters. You have ideas, dreams, maybe even secret plans—but they're all filed under 'later.' You tell yourself you're waiting for the right financial moment, the right relationship, the right sign. But let's be honest: you're not waiting. You're stalling. And deep down, you know it. The right time rarely announces itself with neon lights. More often, it shows up disguised as a perfectly inconvenient moment that still demands you say yes. If you're always waiting for clarity, you'll never move. Because clarity isn't what gets you started—movement is. You end every day feeling drained, but can't quite point to anything you did that mattered. You're tired from busywork, emotional suppression, or social obligations that leave you hollow. A 2023 report in The Lancet Psychiatry journal noted a growing phenomenon called 'existential fatigue'—the kind of burnout that comes from living out of alignment with purpose, not just overworking. You're not doing too much—you're just doing the wrong things. You're spending energy without creating meaning. That kind of depletion doesn't go away with sleep or vacation—it requires a total life audit. And until you start doing things that energize your soul, no amount of rest will be enough. When something goes well—a project, a date, a conversation—you don't feel thrilled. You feel relieved. Like you narrowly escaped disaster. That subtle emotional shift tells you everything. You're not living with enthusiasm. You're living in constant low-grade dread. Joy feels like expansion. Relief feels like survival. And if your highs feel more like 'thank God that's over' than 'I want more of that,' you're not thriving—you're bracing. It's a clear signal that you've stopped allowing yourself to feel safe in pursuit of real joy. You claim to value loyalty, peace, or 'people who get you,' but the truth is, you've curated a social circle that never calls you forward. They don't hold you accountable. They don't ask the hard questions. They just maintain the status quo because that's what you silently agreed to do together. The danger of comfort isn't just in your environment—it's in your relationships. The people around you mirror your own ambition, risk tolerance, and emotional honesty. If no one in your life pushes you, chances are, you've stopped pushing yourself too. And that kind of stasis feels safe—until it starts to rot. You daydream about quitting everything and moving to Bali or starting a bakery in Lisbon. But when it comes to making small shifts—updating your resume, taking a weekend class, having a hard conversation—you freeze. It's not that you lack vision. It's that you've gotten addicted to imagining transformation without enduring the awkward middle part. Real change starts tiny. And if your fantasies always involve disappearing rather than evolving, you might be more in love with escape than growth. Happiness isn't found in dramatic reinvention—it's built moment by moment. But if you've settled, even those small moments feel impossible. You're constantly organizing, fixing, optimizing—your calendar, your inbox, your house. You feel accomplished, but emotionally disconnected. It's easier to clean out your garage than confront your dissatisfaction. Busyness becomes your coping mechanism for avoiding deeper truths. And no matter how much you get done, the emptiness lingers. When you've settled, achievement often becomes a shield. You perform competence instead of pursuing alignment. But crossing things off a to-do list won't fulfill you if none of those tasks move your soul forward. The grind might earn praise, but it won't earn happiness. You're constantly showing up for others—your partner, your kids, your coworkers—but your own desires are a quiet afterthought. You've become more of a manager than a main character, orchestrating life without actually living it. Your voice feels softer, your wants smaller. You've become so good at keeping the peace, you forgot what it feels like to take up space. Settling often looks like self-erasure in the name of being 'easy to love.' But happiness demands presence. It asks that you stop playing roles and start living your truth. If you feel like you've faded into the background, it might be time to step forward again. You avoid discomfort so thoroughly that you also avoid possibility. No new situations, no thrilling risks, no butterflies. Your life has become a well-worn path with no detours. And while that sounds stable, it often leads to emotional dehydration. Happiness isn't always calm. Sometimes it's chaotic, awkward, and wildly uncertain. If nothing in your life makes your heart race in anticipation, it's a sign you've gone numb. The most meaningful moments often begin in fear. But you'll never reach them if you never let yourself be afraid. You tell yourself you should be thankful. You have a job. A roof. People who care about you. So who are you to want more? That guilt becomes the leash that keeps you obedient to a life that doesn't inspire you. But gratitude and hunger are not opposites. You can be grateful and still feel deeply unsatisfied. Settling often masquerades as virtue, especially when you're praised for your humility or sacrifice. But at some point, refusing to evolve stops being noble—it becomes self-betrayal. And that's not gratitude. That's fear in a nice outfit. You imagine alternate lives in the quiet hours—what if you'd taken that job, left that relationship, pursued that creative path? But those thoughts never leave your head. You treat them like forbidden fantasies instead of signs from your subconscious. And the more often they appear, the more painful it becomes to ignore them. Those whispers are not delusions. They're signals that your current life doesn't hold enough of your truth. Settling convinces you that longing is weakness, that comfort should be enough. But if you're fantasizing about freedom, chances are you've already outgrown your cage.
