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Mom Films Herself on the Toilet to Show What It Feels Like to Be the 'Default Parent'
Moms are all too often the 'default parent' — even when using the toilet.
'We stand in solidarity,' Brittany Thorn, a mother of two in Los Angeles, tells
This week, Brittany shared a TikTok video that illustrated her role as the 'default parent.' The informal term is designed for those (usually moms) who manage most of the childcare, housework and family decisions — even when another parent is willing and present.
In Brittany's video, she is sitting on the toilet when she hears a familiar voice call out, 'Mom! Mom!'
Brittany's 4-year-old son, who had just finished eating breakfast with his father, John Thorn, wanted a snack.
'I'm going to the bathroom,' Brittany told her son in the video. 'Ask your dad — you literally walked right by him to get to me.'
Comments on Brittany's video showed the commonality of the problem.
'I will be on my deathbed. Paralyzed. Blood coming from every orifice. And my kids will still walk past their dad to get to me.'
'I will be at work and my husband at home with our children and they will text me.'
'I was laying on the couch. My toddler was sitting at the dining room table with dad. She got up from the table, then walked to the living room to ask me for a snack. I was like, 'You can go ask your dad.' She looked at me like I was insane.'
'The other day, my kids asked me if I could pull over so they could take a picture. I wasn't even the one driving!!!'
'My kids will stand up from the couch NEXT TO THEIR DAD and come outside to ask me to get them food. No???'
'They have been sitting on his lap and gotten up to ask me for something.'
'I bought myself a shirt that said, 'Go ask your dad.' It helped.'
Brittany tells that she is the 'default parent' for her two sons, ages 4 and 8.
In her video, Brittany had just settled into the bathroom when she heard her youngest call for her.
'I told him, 'I was just with you — you knew where I was going!' says Brittany. 'I said, 'You had to walk past your dad to come here and ask me for something.''
According to Brittany, her husband tries his best to manage the children, especially when she's on the phone and amid the 'morning chaos.' She says that sometimes the word, 'Mom!' can feel like 'background noise' to her husband.
Brittany admits she is the 'softer' parent who says, 'Yes' more often than her husband John.
'Sometimes, I say, 'Whatever — even if I don't want you to have that snack, if you're driving me crazy, I'll let you have it,'' says Brittany. 'Whereas, my husband is more likely to have a conversation about why the kids shouldn't have chocolate-covered pretzels for breakfast.'
John agrees, telling that their children usually get the 'honey' from mom.
'When they want something questionable, they may feel they get more of a 'Yes' out of mom,' John says, adding that there are occasions in which he serves as the 'default parent,' when it comes to baseball or bike riding.
Brittany said that day, her 'default parent' responsibilities were as extensive as a trip to the bathroom.
'I finished my business and when I came out, my son was already onto something else,' says Brittany. 'Whatever he needed was not actually important.'
This article was originally published on
