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ABC News
a day ago
- General
- ABC News
What is passenger parenting and can it be overcome?
Parenting is an intense ride and always being the one in the driver's seat can take its toll. And having someone firmly entrenched as passenger can actually be damaging for both partners and the relationship. Recent research found that in heterosexual relationships, where it is mums most often taking the wheel, some dads can experience a phenomenon labelled "passenger parenting". The term was coined by Norma Barrett, the study's co-author and lecturer in public health and health promotion at Deakin University in Warrnambool, on the traditional lands of the Gunditjmara people in regional Victoria. She explains that while fathers are becoming increasingly engaged in daily family life, the persistence of a gendered norm means some feel on the "outskirts" when it comes to parenting decisions. And parenting alongside a passenger parent isn't easy, says Carly Dober, a psychologist and policy coordinator at the Australian Association of Psychologists. She says mothers who are carrying the lion's share of caring responsibilities because the men in their lives are not participating more may feel burdened. "It can be really stressful if you do feel you are the default parent and wearing the emotional and cognitive load of all decisions," she says. So, what can you do if you're stuck in a driver-passenger parent dynamic? And, because passenger parenting can look a lot like weaponised incompetence, we explain the difference. While some dads Ms Barrett spoke to were "happy to go with the flow" and be led by their partner, most wanted to fully share the whole experience but felt "shut out" from doing so. She says the "sidekick" parenting role often begins for practical and social reasons. For example, it's most often mothers who take time off to care for the baby. "There are physical reasons for that [being the birthing parent], and also if the baby is being breastfed then naturally it will be the mother that is going to do that," Ms Barrett says. Dads may have little to no time off before returning to work, and the parent spending the bulk of the time with the child becomes "specialised" in the gig of parenting. Ms Dober says dads might feel like they are not as equipped to do things like dress the child, how and when to feed the child, and what health appointments they need, for example. Some men in Ms Barrett's research expressed passenger parenting had a negative impact on their relationships. "They are trying to be more involved in decision making, like around caring for the baby, feeding the baby, trying to be part of it, and if struggles were arising, coming up with solutions — but not always feeling like they knew the right language or approach. Fathers can get stuck in their passenger role beyond the transition into parenthood, explains Ms Barrett, because even when mothers might return to work and the caring load should equalise, dads haven't had the same "parenting boot camp", leaving them on the backfoot. Do you feel like the passenger parent in your family? Or perhaps you're tired of always being the one in the driver's seat. Share with us at lifestyle@ Ms Dober says while some women may be happy to take a leadership role in parenting, others may feel there is a pressure to be the "expert parent". Whether it's a role they are comfortable with or not, it can be a difficult one to fulfil, with consequences for their wellbeing, career, and financial future. If current working patterns continue, the average 25-year-old woman today who goes on to have one child can expect to make $2 million less in lifetime earnings compared to the average 25-year-old man who also becomes a parent. Research also shows twice as many women as men experience parental burnout, due to the fact women still carry 70 per cent of the family mental load. "There are so many micro decisions in the day-to-day of parenting that really do add up — an infinite amount of decision to make," Ms Dober says. The relationship can be impacted if women feel they aren't supported, she says. "There might be resentment if you perceive your passenger parent is just deferring to you because they can't be bothered or prefer you managing it." In intimate partner relationships, weaponised incompetence is often evident in the division of domestic tasks and caring labour. It is when someone "demonstrates helplessness, real or false, in order to avoid certain tasks or responsibility, thus making other people [often their partner and/or co-parent] feel they have to step in and do it for them," Ms Dober told us for a previous article. What makes passenger parenting different is intent, she explains. "Weaponised incompetence is when you might be trying to gain more spare time to rest, socialise, or just tend to your own needs versus those of the family. "Passenger parenting is feeling like you have less agency. There isn't malicious intent — although it can look the same depending on some behaviours." Ms Dober says passenger parents will feel like they are missing out on something, and can "take a beating to their self-esteem". Parenting expert and dad to six daughters Justin Coulson says while some dads are "happy to take a back seat", in his experience, men overwhelmingly want to be more involved. While there are societal and structural barriers to reaching equality in co-parenting relationships, such as making it more viable for dads to take parental leave, there are some ways individuals can work towards improvement. Dr Coulson recommends couples have weekly check-ins. "On a Sunday morning when things are relatively quiet, my wife and I sit down and ask three questions. First, 'What's going well?' And we just take a minute to bask in the sunshine of success." Secondly, they ask "What hasn't worked this week?" "It's not a finger-pointing exercise, rather saying 'I've struggled here', of 'I could have done with more support on Wednesday night when three things were happening at once'," Dr Coulson says as an example. Lastly, "What could we work on this week?" "And the critical part of that is put together a plan to make that happen," he says. While Ms Barrett's research recommended couples have conversations early on about their parenting expectations, Ms Dober says those can change over time. She says parents can regularly touch base on what they would like to do more, or less of. For dads who feel like they don't have agency, that might be expressing what they would like to have more expertise in, or what challenges they think could benefit them in learning to do more? Ms Dober says parents need to be kind to themselves, and each other. "Understanding that parenting is hard — you're both on this journey together, and figuring out what parenting looks like for your family. "And that might be different to others, and to how you grew up."
The Guardian
26-03-2025
- Health
- The Guardian
From mental health to threatened species: the glaring omissions in the 2025 federal budget
While much of the federal budget conversation will centre around what's in it for you – and for good reason – what's not in the budget is equally as important. And, given it's a small, pre-election budget, there are quite a few omissions. Here's who is missing out on a piece of the pie this time around. While the surprise of tax cuts sweetened the budget news for many, those on income support payments were overlooked. In particular were those on jobseeker payments, which remain on levels below the poverty line. The government's own Economic Inclusion Advisory Committee released its 2025 report earlier in March recommending the jobseeker rate be increased to 90% of the aged pension. But despite a number of advocacy groups pushing for a boost to the payments, it was nowhere to be seen in Tuesday's release. Another area hurting the bottom lines of many Australians is housing – whether they're renting or buying. Unlike last year's budget, this one did not raise the commonwealth rent assistance rates, which helped shave off around 1.3% in rental increases across the country. Peak health bodies pointed to the lack of initiatives in the budget to support mental health. Dr Elizabeth Moore, the president of the Royal Australian and New Zealand College of Psychiatrists, said there had been no meaningful investment in growing the psychiatry workforce and matching mental health funding to the level of community need. The executive director of the Australian Association of Psychologists, Tegan Carrison, said the government's claim the budget contains the largest investment in Medicare since its creation 'continues to ignore one of the key aspects of health – mental health'. The peak medical body, the Australian Medical Association, highlighted the lack of investment in preventative health, adding it was particularly disappointed in the lack of a sugar sweetened beverage tax, despite the recommendations of the parliamentary inquiry into diabetes. The Public Health Association of Australia said the budget maintains the 'decades-long tradition of spending on treatments and hospitals, rather than investing in preventive health measures that stop people getting sick in the first place'. In the face of commonwealth spending on public hospitals increasing by 12% in one year, CEO and adjunct professor Terry Slevin said, 'The only rational response is to reduce demand by investing in making people healthier, through real commitments in prevention.' Despite being widely canned by the university sector, students, Labor and the Greens since its implementation, the jobs-ready graduates (JRG) scheme will have to wait until the next term of government for any reform. The scheme, introduced by the Morrison government in 2021, increased fees for some courses, including humanities, to fund fee cuts in other courses as well as 39,000 extra university places. Universities Australia estimates JRG has reduced university funding by about $800m a year and driven arts degrees to $50,000. Its CEO, Luke Sheehy, said the budget was a 'missed opportunity' to address the student funding system. 'JRG has unfairly altered fees for students and reduced funding to universities,' he said. 'We want to work with the next federal government as a priority to set new funding rates and it's imperative that the next federal budget funds this work properly and fully.' Innovative Research Universities executive director, Paul Harris, said JRG remained the 'elephant in the room' that needed to be addressed. 'The primary driver of student debt is the cost of doing a degree and these costs are still rising for Australian students,' he said. The arts sector is often overlooked in federal budgets and Labor's 2025 budget did not reverse that trend. There was one major announcement – $8.6m to extend the Revive Live program, which supports the continuation of Australia's live music venues and festivals. The National Association for the Visual Arts was supportive of the package but said future budgets should provide 'comprehensive, equitable support for all art forms'. The Save Our Arts campaign suggested the government could look at increasing local content quotas for multinational streaming services with Australian subscribers as well as new laws to protect Australian creatives from AI. The Australian Conservation Foundation calculated that less than one cent out of every dollar allocated went to protecting nature. Foundation chief executive, Kelly O'Shanassy, said there was no new funding for threatened species beyond a $3m commitment from existing resources for a captive breeding program for the endangered Maugean skate. 'With rampant habitat destruction and the accelerating impacts of climate change, numerous ecosystems are on the brink and people's livelihoods are at risk, yet investment in nature protection and climate action remains a tiny fraction of commonwealth spending,' O'Shanassy said. The budget included $250m over five years for a 'saving Australia's bushland' program, promised to help meet a target of protecting 30% of land by 2030. The Biodiversity Council said it was estimated 20 times that amount would be needed to meet the 30% goal. It said estimates suggested $2.3bn a year would be needed to protect the country's more than 2,000 threatened species from extinction. The federal government provided $14m in funding for the Office of the Australian Information Commissioner, which is responsible for privacy and freedom of information in the government, in Tuesday's budget, but the portfolio documents for the agency reveal that while there will be a slight boost in base funding in this current financial year at $40m, that is reduced in the next few years, down to $26m in 2028-29. The commissioner, Elizabeth Tydd, revealed in Senate estimates in February the organisation had already shed 23% of its workforce, going from 200 staff to 138. The current headcount is 179, according to the document, and will go down to 176 in the next financial year. This comes despite increased responsibility for the agency, including overseeing the government's digital ID – for which the agency received $5.3m in funding for – but also the extra roles of investigating the growing number of privacy breaches affecting Australians, and dealing with the workload of reviewing freedom of information decisions.
