Inside the weird and wonderful World Haggis Championships in Perth
I'm quite partial to a bit of haggis. I've even been known to eat it when it's not Burns Night. But did you ever come face to face with 56 cold haggises, all plated up and waiting for your verdict?
That's the sight that drained the colour from my sonsie face at Perth's Dewars Centre on Sunday.
But it's not every day you're asked to help select a new World Haggis Champion.
So what's a glutton to do but roll up her sleeves, pull on her apron and get stuck in?
The contest happens every two years and there's fierce competition to be crowned THE great chieftain of the pudding race.
Fortunately I've been paired with head judge Jon Wilkin, and by the time I arrive at Dewars, the Scottish Craft Butchers fair is in full swing and he's making short work of the field.
Jon's a reader in food innovation at Abertay University, and he's devised a scoring system that marks each haggis according to its uncooked and cooked appearance, aroma, texture and taste.
The first thing that strikes this rank amateur is how different they all look.
Some are in plastic wrapping. Most are in the traditional sheep's stomach lining. And they vary in shape and size from butcher's fist to child's rugby ball.
'You want a firm covering,' explains Jon. 'But not so thick that you can't see what's inside.'
We pick up a decent-looking contender and slice through it with a sharp knife.
John reels back, grimacing.
'Oh that's a bit peely-wally,' he tells me.
'It looks like pate. I don't have a good feeling about this.'
The proof of the pudding is in the eating though. So we whack it in the microwave for 30 seconds and set at it with our wooden forks.
First the aroma. You're looking for a 'robust, meaty scent with distinct notes of black pepper and other secret spices'.
Taste-wise you want a crumbly, mealy texture that is somehow slightly dry, yet moist. Think rich, meaty, spicy and savoury with slightly metallic undertones.
This one's more claggy and bland. So we mark it accordingly and move on.
Around us, the six other judges, including Fife food ambassador Wendy Barrie and Louise Harley from sponsors Grampian Oat Products, are buzzing back and forward between tables and microwave, slicing, sniffing, tasting and awarding marks out of 25 until each region has a winner and we're onto the finalists.
The differences aren't just in appearance. If you think you don't like haggis, I'd suggest you just haven't met the right one.
Colour, texture, smell and taste vary widely across the finalists' table. But there can be only one winner. And in the end it's a close run thing between it and the runner-up.
One is mealier and saltier. The other ticks every box on the score sheet. It's a thing of beauty inside and out; meaty, moist and coarse with a lingering kick of spicy pepper.
Only afterwards do we discover it's the work of butcher Nigel Ovens.
And the World Haggis Champion title caps a remarkable weekend for him.
The third-generation owner of McCaskie's Butchers at Wemyss Bay scooped the World Scotch Pie Championship with his Pirie Pie 24 hours earlier.
It's made from the recipe that won Alan Pirie the World Scotch Pie Championship five times before the Newtyle butcher decided to hang up his apron.
Nigel's haggis formula is also a closely-guarded secret and the culmination of a lifetime's work.
'I've spent years watching, tasting, tweaking and learning from others,' he said.
'It's a dream come true.'
Delighted to have been a part of it Nigel. It's a tough job, but somebody had to do it.
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