Actor Irene Kelleher: 'I felt a really strong presence of my dad before I went on stage'
In February 2016, my dad was told he had oesophageal cancer, terminal – the doctors said six months… He was the most positive person. He didn't let 'terminal' affect how he'd cope with the diagnosis.
A favourite book of his was Viktor Frankl's Man's Search for Meaning, about how he survived Auschwitz – there's a quote my dad kept looking to for inspiration and hope: 'he who has a 'why' to live can bear almost any how'. To Dad, it meant 'I've so many reasons to live – I'm going to find my way through this'.
My mum, my brother, sister, me – we took this great positivity that Dad always believed in. My wedding was nine weeks after his diagnosis. He walked me down the aisle, sang 'Beautiful Dreamer' that evening, a moment to cherish.
It's not that we forgot, but in summer 2016, he was doing so well that even the specialists thought maybe there was hope. He was good for the first half of 2017. Then he regressed. He had to get a stent so he could swallow and eat.
I'd been working as an actor for 10 years, and I'd booked a tour to the Edinburgh Fringe, three-and-a-half weeks in August, with 'Mary and Me', the first play I wrote. It was a dream to bring it to Edinburgh.
Dad went into hospital in late June. As time went on and he was still there I got worried – I'd almost decided to pull the tour, but my mum told me: 'If you don't go, you can't come into hospital for three-and-a-half weeks because you'll break your father's heart by not going'…. Dad was always my champion, cheering me. He'd drive me to the train for every audition.
The day before leaving for Edinburgh, I asked was there anything he'd like me to buy him there. He mentioned oak bookends – then said no, he'd pick them up when he next went with my mother. That's how positive he was, he was so convincing…
Halfway into the first week in Edinburgh, the play started to sell out. It was getting all four- and five-star reviews. That Thursday was the highlight of my career up to then – a four-star review from a leading theatre review journal, an email from a publisher to discuss publication. I was on an absolute high.
Around 4pm, I had a video call with Dad, I wanted to share the news with him. He was delighted for me. He'd had his stent operation – he was just after his first bowl of soup.
Irene Kelleher performs in two productions at Cork Midsummer Festival 2025, July 13 to 22. Here, she is pictured ahead of Cork City Library Culture Night Promo in 2024. Picture: Marcin Lewandowski.
That evening, my brother, Tim, rang: 'You have to come home – Dad has taken a turn'. My first instinct was confusion – I said, 'No, Dad's fine, he's just had a bowl of soup'. I went straight into denial. Tim had to repeatedly say it before it sank in.
The quickest flight home was the next morning. That whole night, I felt helpless. I had an hour's sleep, dreamt about Dad. He was asleep in a hospital bed, but in a forest. I walked up to him. He said 'let's go for a walk', and we went for a walk, and he looked healthy and we were really happy – there was no sense of goodbye.
I messaged my sister – 'is Dad still here'. Yes, he was. Up to the 7 am flight, we messaged back-and-forth, she reassuring me 'you'll get here'…
Outside Cork Airport, I saw her from a distance. We looked at each other. I knew straightaway, I saw it in her eyes: Dad was gone….
What I clung onto was guilt. The guilt of not being there – I was so close to him, I should have been there. I clung onto guilt because grief was too much.
The day of the funeral passed. And I was at home. Mum mentioned going back to Edinburgh to finish the run, which I dismissed. But the pain of being home, with Dad not there, the house so quiet…Mum saying finishing it is definitely what Dad would have wanted.
So I went back to Edinburgh to do the last week.
Backstage, just about to start: 'What am I doing? My dad has just died, and here I am in another country, about to do a play?'
I closed my eyes, said, 'Dad, I need you here with me'. I felt a really strong presence of my dad with me, saying the last thing he'd always say driving me to auditions: 'Give 'em holly'.
I just felt his presence so close, I felt his strength, and – for the first time since the phone call – I felt his warmth. I felt connected with him again, and I went onstage and I'd say I gave the best performance I ever gave of that play.
I wouldn't say I'm particularly spiritual, but it's the closest I've ever come to it. I've kept that.
I visit his grave, but I never feel close there like I do side-stage, just about to go on, to perform – that's where I have my chats with my dad.
I was 31 that day in August 2017. It's when I feel I have become an adult, able to carry on as an adult, because of feeling I have my dad minding me, so I'm never alone.
Irene Kelleher performs in two productions at Cork Midsummer Festival 2025, July 13 to 22. Stitch, described as an Irish Horror Show, will be staged in site-specific venue J Nolan Stationery Shop, Shandon Street; and Footnote in the TCD at Triskel, both Cork City. Booking: https://www.corkmidsummer.com/
Read More
RTÉ radio host Joe Duffy retiring after 37 years
Hashtags
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Irish Independent
20 hours ago
- Irish Independent
Madeleine Keane on books: Oscar Wilde's reader's card is ‘uncancelled' by the British Library, 130 years on
Plus the Cork Midsummer Festival, and something for Beatles fans too Today at 09:30 After 130 years, the British Library plans to symbolically reinstate the reader pass that belonged to Oscar Wilde. Wilde was officially excluded from the Library on June 15, 1895, following the trial and conviction he faced as a result of the Criminal Law Amendment Act of 1885, which criminalised acts of 'gross indecency' between men.
Irish Examiner
a day ago
- Irish Examiner
Seven red giraffes to parade through streets of Cork city this weekend
Seven towering red giraffes will be seen parading through the streets of Cork city on Sunday as part of a Cork Midsummer Festival and Open Streets event. Les Girafes: An Animal Operetta7 is a Cork City Council-supported event as part of the Open Streets series, which encourages people to come to town without their car, either by walking, cycling, or using public transport. People can enjoy some of the city's streets without traffic and soak up the atmosphere with lively street performances, street play events, and public information stands on cycling and public transport. The parade will see seven red giraffes, accompanied by a troupe of bumbling keepers, musicians, and performers, make their way from North Main Street to Patrick's Street. Led by Compagnie OFF, a renowned performing arts school based in France, the parade will see its monumental giraffes, accompanied by a troupe of bumbling keepers, musicians, and performers, make their way from North Main Street to Patrick's Street. The procession blends circus arts, opera, and street theatre into one display of colour and sound which promises to entertain audiences of all ages. Compagnie OFF has captivated audiences worldwide with their large-scale performances that reimagine public spaces. Their celebrated production, Les Girafes, has visited cities across Europe, including Bourges and Rhone in France, Bradford in England, and Galway. For more information, click here. Read More Theatre For One review: Intimate setting makes for wonderful experience at Cork Midsummer
The Irish Sun
a day ago
- The Irish Sun
Quaint UK town hiding ‘Disney for history buffs' attraction that's loved by Countryfile star
AN unusual attraction that is a "Disney for history lovers" has been raved about by a Countryfile star. Matt Baker, currently appearing in 5 Beamish is a living museum in the North of England Credit: Alamy 5 There are old-fashioned shops in the recreated town Credit: Alamy When Sun Travel asked He continued: "It's the best open air museum in the world, without question. "Basically what they do is take down buildings in the North East and put them back up at "It's amazing, it's basically the North East through the ages and you can spend days there." Read More on UK Attractions It brings the history of North East England to life. You can have a Georgian experience at Pockerly Old Hall or see how families lived and worked in the years leading up to the First World War in the 1900s. One of the recent installations was Spain's Field Farm which stood for centuries in Eastgate near Weardale in Durham. It was then dismantled and transported to the museum, where it was been carefully rebuilt to show 1950s life on the region's upland farms. Most read in Family In 2024 Beamish opened a new 1950s town, which includes a toy shop, welfare hall and a cinema that had been taken from Ryhope in There's also a pub, a school, a dentist among its businesses and you can ride on the trams and buses, and explore the railway station too. Matt Baker Explores the British Isles 5 And there are old-school buses too Credit: Alamy Matt added: "There's loads of exhibitions and shops, you can have coal-fired fish and chips, it's the most brilliant day out." "It's like Disney World for history buffs - that's the only way I can describe it. You get transported back in time, it's a proper immersive experience." You can even see Matt on a trip to the living museum if you catch up on one of his previous shows. He told us: "I did a series called 'Travels with Mum & Dad' and we went all over the North East, so if you are fascinated and want to find out more watch that because we went to Beamish." 5 Matt Baker reveals the place in Durham everyone should visit Credit: Channel 4 Tickets to the open air museum are unlimited passes so once you've been once, you can visit for the whole year including daytime events. Adult tickets cost £33, senior and student tickets cost £25, children between 5-16 are £20. As for other places to explore around his stomping ground, Matt recommended He also suggested taking a walk in the Durham Dales and strolling along the coastline. Currently the Countryfile star is on an adventure He's found beautiful beaches on the Northern Irish coastline and discovered tasty sparkling wine at a Champagne-worthy vineyard in Kent. Watch the final episode Matt Baker's British Isles on Tuesday 24, at 9pm on More4. Catch up on all previous episodes on This And this 5 There are trams and tractors that you can hop on and off Credit: Alamy
