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SBS Australia
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- SBS Australia
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News.com.au
14 hours ago
- News.com.au
‘Shady' relationship act being called out by experts
A 'shady' dating trend rising in popularity is leaving Aussies feeling like their partner's dirty little secret. Partner pocketing, also known as stashing, is when your partner is keeping you a secret from the world, including not posting you on social media, not inviting you to events with family or friends, and appearing as though they are single. Samantha Jayne, a relationship expert, said the trend's been around for years but it has risen in popularity thanks to hook-up culture and more people feeling comfortable being single. She did also say that it could come from worry and shame from getting a relationship wrong, and so it is easier to keep it a secret in case the couple break up. While other times it's due to children being involved. It was common when people were trying to avoid judgement for factors like a big age gap or cultural differences. More 'malicious' reasons included a fear of commitment or cheating. 'No matter what the reason behind it, it never feels good to be someone's secret. It betrays trust, make the person who is being kept a secret feel same, insignificant and it errodes the relationship.,' she said. So, what should you do if you find yourself in this position of being confused about why your partner doesn't appear to be proud of dating you? 'Have an honest open conversation with your partner about the reasons you're being pocketed,' Ms Jayne said. 'You should see how that makes you feel and if you can compromise on a timeline so that you can eventually appear and be known to the outside world. I'd also recommend taking a step back and protecting yourself.' She said it's important to set a clear boundary, and if it makes you feel bad and the person isn't willing to compromise then maybe the relationship isn't for you. 'Know your self worth, practice self care and get out there meet new people that are proud of you and take the time to consider if being pocketed is something you are OK to accept,' she said. Sera Bozza, Tinder's local dating expert, told that on the surface partner pocketing sounds 'shady'. 'And sometimes? It is. If someone is making you feel like a well-kept secret, they might not be ready, or willing, to fully integrate you into their life. That hurts. But it doesn't always mean something's wrong with you,' she said. 'Because here's the thing: not everyone who isn't posting you is pocketing you. There's a difference. Not everyone's comfortable putting their love life on the grid two dates in — and that's fair! 'Privacy in the early stages can be healthy. Posting someone too soon doesn't prove commitment, especially if the connection hasn't earned that level of visibility yet. Rushing to perform commitment before you've actually built it? That's how people end up relationship-sprinting and emotionally crashing later.' She said the red flag isn't when someone introduces you but why they keep avoiding it. She said if someone is being clear and intentional about where things are at, it's a green flag. But. if they keep dodging the question or changing the subject. 'That's not mystery, that's misdirection,' she said. 'The good news? Gen Z daters are flipping the script. According to Tinder's Year in Swipe data, they're not pocketing; they're loud-looking from the start. They're not just hoping someone picks up the vibe, they're actively flagging what they want in their profiles for more aligned connections: effort they can see, communication that's direct, and actions that actually match their intentions. 'Being clear and emotionally available? In. Posting your partner when it feels real? In. Leaving someone in the emotional drafts folder: no introduction, no clarity, no context? Firmly out.'
SBS Australia
19 hours ago
- SBS Australia
SBS Japanese Weekly News Wrap Saturday 21 June
Independent news and stories connecting you to life in Australia and Japanese-speaking Australians. Ease into the English language and Australian culture. We make learning English convenient, fun and practical.
