Mollie O'Callaghan opens up on personal struggles during Australian Swimming Trials
Mollie O'Callaghan was the darling of Australia during last year's Olympic Games in Paris.
She had beaten Australia's swimming queen Ariarne Titmus in her world record event, the 200m freestyle, one of three golds O'Callaghan won during the Games.
However, things have not gone as planned since then.
O'Callaghan freely admits she has struggled this year both in and out of the pool with injuries and other demons.
She is still the fastest woman in Australia over 200m, proving that on night three of the Australian Swimming Trials with a strong win that included her customary kick over the final 50.
But her time of 1 minute 54.43 seconds was more than 1.5 seconds slower than her personal best — the world record she held before Titmus took it.
While it was her fastest time of the year, she was still disappointed.
"I was a bit off today," she said on Wednesday night in Adelaide.
"You know you get a bit anxious like everyone does, and I think I was just overthinking it.
"I'm trying too hard not to think about the time, it's all about racing at the moment.
"I think after the lead-up I've had over the past few months, to come back off a big break and injury and other little bits and bobs and personal stuff, I think I'm pretty proud of myself to show up behind the blocks and do that two-hundred."
O'Callaghan said she was working on ways to find enjoyment in swimming after the high of the Paris Olympics, following the inevitable comedown after winning three gold medals.
"After the Olympics I'd achieved everything I wanted to, and I needed that mental recovery after that," she said.
"This year's about having fun, but there's been a lot of curveballs thrown at me, so it's making it very hard to have fun.
"But I think making the team and having the pressure taken off, just to race and go meet new people, go have fun and train alongside my buddies overseas, which is the whole purpose of this."
It has led O'Callaghan to ponder how she can balance having fun while being in a highly competitive environment, trying to qualify for the World Aquatics Championships.
"That's something I'm still learning," said O'Callaghan, who earlier in the meet revealed she didn't have any friends outside of swimming.
"At 21 years old, you're forever learning that.
"You know we've been in this sport for a very long time when you get stuck down and you have to be so dedicated to each and every little thing where it's like you don't have a life outside of it.
"This part is about discovering who I am outside of the pool.
"But a part of me is trying to force myself to get back into the rhythm. But I think incredible people like Lani (Pallister) and Kaylee (McKeown) make it a lot more fun.
"You know I put a lot of pressure on myself but externally a lot of people expect a lot out of me, but they don't really see the work that goes behind it or what I've been through."
O'Callaghan's introspection and dissatisfaction mirror that of backstroke star Kaylee McKeown, who has won both the 50m and 100m backstroke events at these trials, but has been extremely disappointed with her times.
"Mollie is so hard on herself," said Pallister, who finished second in the 200m freestyle final with a personal best time.
"When she comes and stands here and talks about, I guess wanting the world record back, and wanting to be a 1:52, there's two people who have ever done that, and that's her and Ariarne.
"So, as much as she says that it wasn't a good swim, she's just incredible with what she does and what she can do."
Pallister, who won a gold medal in Paris as part of Australia's 4x200m freestyle relay team, said O'Callaghan's struggles are a reflection of the pressures Australian swimmers face.
"This is going to sound really brutal, but I think sometimes people forget that these athletes are also people," Pallister said.
"There's so much expectation put on Australian swimmers, and I think that shows.
"Every four years we're expected to win multiple gold medals, and sometimes, if you don't race at your best, I guess it's almost [the] public and other people that bring you down.
"But I think if you have a supportive group around you, it doesn't really matter what the rest of the world says," Pallister said.
Cameron McEvoy said he also experienced the same comedown after winning gold in the men's 50m freestyle in Paris.
"I definitely went through a pretty tough period," he said.
"You go from your world being extremely tiny, where it's just swim, sleep, eat, and that's it.
"And as soon as you touch the wall, it gets flipped upside down, and you've got the entire world trying to talk to you, and kind of the world opens up, and you're not swimming as much, and then you've got to come down emotionally."
But the 31-year-old has 10 years more life experience than O'Callaghan, is now married and expecting his first baby.
"Now digesting the marriage, digesting starting a family, that kind of put the whole swimming gig into comparison and it humbles the whole job here — makes me realise there's so much more to the world," he said.
Unlike O'Callaghan, the physics and mathematics graduate was happy with his winning time in the men's 50m freestyle of 21.3 seconds — the fastest time in the world this year.
McEvoy said he is swimming so well and consistently that even an average performance is enough to win at these trials, and there's more to come.
"I definitely think I can go faster before the world champs," he said.
"How much more, I'm not sure, but longer term — more LA (Olympics) levels to the future, I think yeah, there's a lot more I can improve upon."
Teenage breaststroker Sienna Toohey followed up her 100m success by winning the 50m women's breaststroke final, but could not make the qualifying time for the World Championships.
"I'm honestly very happy with it, the qualifying time is extremely tough," she said.
"Last night was a good swim, got the qualifying time, hopefully they might put me in the 50 over in the worlds, maybe, who knows?"
Toohey said she was prepared for the hype that followed her extraordinary swim on Tuesday night.
"I knew that it was going to blow up like that. I saw a bit of popping up and then I was like, 'Well I can't get too full of myself,' so I put my phone on do not disturb and I haven't really been on it since then," she said.
Sam Short continued his stunning form, taking out the men's 800m freestyle final in 7:40.95, to go with his win in the 400m and second place in the 200m.
"It's going to be a battle in Singapore like it always is, we're like in a golden age of distance swimming at the moment," Short said.
"I love racing, it's just so much fun, I love getting in there hurting, that's why I do it."
In other results, Paralympic gold medallist Benjamin Hance set the fastest time in history in the S14 men's 50m backstroke event.
His time of 26.09 seconds was recognised by VIRTUS Sport as a world record, but not an official world record as the event isn't raced at the Paralympics or Para World Championships.
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