A common name, a father's light

By Jyoti Pande Lavakare
I always found Valentine's Day, Mother's Day, Father's Day and their other mercantile mutations more Hallmark happenings than any meaningful moments of meditative mensch.
Something has changed now. I no longer feel like a judgy bear, holding up a disdainful nose at these commemorations. Life has softened me in as many ways as it has strengthened me.
This Father's Day, I found myself thinking about my father, who recently turned 95 and is fading faster than I can accept.
He comes from a family of priests, intelligent, fiercely hard working but once desperately poor. He was born in 1930, when India had not even become Independent, raising a family of females on a single salary in the 1950s-60s because society didn't encourage women to work. With almost single-minded focus, he pulled himself out of his own family's genteel poverty, wearing his values like a medal while 'serving the government of independent India'.
Like men of his generation, he was also singularly inexpressive of his love for us, his children, although by the time I was born, that was changing. I remember his cuddles and bedtime stories vividly. But it is one story that keeps coming to mind whenever I think of his love for me.
Growing up, I disliked my name because every 10th person was named 'Jyoti' then. When my friends called me 'Jo' or 'Jojo' or 'Joey', I responded happily, desperately hoping my given name would be quietly forgotten.
As the third of four daughters in a north Indian family, I always knew it was a son they were hoping for when I was born. One day, I must have been around 10, I asked him if he was disappointed at my birth. I don't think anyone had asked him that, not even after the birth of my younger sister. People just assumed that disappointment was a given.
He looked at me in surprise.
'Disappointed?' he said, confused. 'You brought me more joy than I can remember. Your birth was aligned with a big promotion, more prosperity. I enjoyed your childhood more than that of my other children.'
His usually serious eyes lit up in a smile. Although, by this time, our relationship had become more formal — his hugs and night-time stories a thing of the past — I remember his words bringing me comfort.
We were standing under the frangipani tree I used to climb in the rambling garden of one of the whitewashed government houses I grew up in. I still remember the way he impatiently flicked back his jet-black hair from his wide forehead as he said, 'When your older sisters were born, I was too young and too poor and had too many responsibilities — my parents, jobless siblings, cousins who needed a leg up. I could never pamper them the way I pampered you when you were born a decade later.'
He continued, 'Do you know why I named you Jyoti? As I was driving your mother to the hospital in Delhi on a cold January morning, the whole city was lit up for Republic Day. I felt the city was celebrating your birth. And so, when you were born, the only name I could think of for you was Jyoti (light).'
I embraced my name only because of this conversation. It reminds me of my father's love for me even today, when he is infirm, barely mobile, gazing out of his lounger, his eyes cloudy with cataract, his once sharp mind often disoriented, his once bushy eyebrows drooping and white. He is more expressive now, always telling me how much he looks forward to my biweekly visits, when I read the Bhagavad Gita to him or we listen to a podcast on Vedanta.
After his last foray to the ICU, he became even more fragile, but at least he is stable. For now.
I know the time has come to let him go, and I'm trying. Our conversations during these visits have told me more than my own memories of how my parents tried their best to raise their four daughters like sons at a time when this was an anachronism.
Even today, he won't live with one of his married daughters. He prefers to live in his own house, a hospice-type situation with 24-hour attendants, all of them financed by his pension — payback for his years of his service to 'the government of independent India'.
We live longer today because medicine has expanded lifespans, but sometimes, as in the case of my father, quality of life suffers. I know that even when he passes on, whenever someone calls me by the name he gave me, however common it may sound to others, it will remind me of his love for me, his third daughter who brought him light in a country that still doesn't value its women.
The writer is a former journalist and the author of 'Breathing Here is Injurious to Your Health'
National Editor Shalini Langer curates the fortnightly 'She Said' column

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Learn with AIFact CheckingText to SpeechAI Summary

Related Articles

India.com

14 minutes ago

• India.com

Meet the Farmer's Daughter Who Cracked UPSC in Her Second Attempt With AIR…. And Said No to ‘Kanyadaan' at Wedding- Know All About Her Inspiring Story

photoDetails english 2919898 Updated:Jun 22, 2025, 11:34 AM IST Who is Tapasya Parihar? 1 / 9 Tapasya Parihar from Narsinghpur, Madhya Pradesh. She secured All India Rank 23 in the UPSC Civil Services Exam 2017. What made her achievement even more remarkable was that she accomplished this feat without joining any coaching institute, relying entirely on self-study and personal discipline. Her Earlier Academic Journey 2 / 9 Tapasya was hard working and a good student since childhood. She completed her schooling from the Kendriya Vidyalaya and after completing the class 12th, she went to ILS (Indian Law Society's Law College in Pune. UPSC 3 / 9 The UPSC Civil Services Exam is one of the most esteemed competitive exams in India, conducted by the Union Public Service Commission to recruit candidates for top administrative roles like IAS, IPS, and IFS. The examination process includes three stages, which includes, Preliminary, Mains, and Interview that evaluates candidates on their general knowledge, analytical ability, and overall personality. Her First Attempt? 4 / 9 After completing her graduation in Law, she appeared for the one the toughest exams in India, UPSC. She took coaching but she couldn't clear the preliminary examination in her first attempt but failure didn't break her spirits and passion. Turning To Self Study 5 / 9 After failing in her first attempt, she decided to change her strategy, left her coaching and switched to self-preparation. She focused more on mock paper and current affairs. Changing her strategies helped her a lot. Becoming IAS 6 / 9 All of her hard work and sacrifice paid off when she cleared the UPSC Civil Service Examination (CSE) in 2017 with All India Rank of 23 and became Indian Administrative Service (IAS) Officer in Bihar Cadre. Her Family 7 / 9 Tapasya is from a very normal family, when she told her about her dream of becoming an IAS, they supported her a lot. Her father, Vishwas Parihar is a farmer in his hometown and her uncle is a social worker. Her grandmother has been the president of the district Panchayat of Narsinghpur. Her Marriage and Her Stand Against Norms 8 / 9 She is married to an Indian Foreign Service Officer (IFS) named Garvit Gangwar and during her wedding, Tapasya chose to reject the 'Kanyadaan' ritual, and told her father that she does not see herself as something to be given away. Tapasya As An Inspiration 9 / 9 Tapasya's journey is inspirational for millions of aspirants across India. She shows that failure is not the end and giving up is not an option. Her story proves that self-discipline and determination can lead to extraordinary success.

NDTV

18 minutes ago

• NDTV

UGC NET Admit Card 2025 For June 25 Exam Released, Direct Link Here

UGC NET Admit Card 2025: The UGC NET Admit Card 2025 has been released by the National Testing Agency (NTA) for the University Grants Commission National Eligibility Test (UGC NET) scheduled to be held on June 25, 2025. Candidates who registered for the exam can download their hall tickets from the official website: Direct Link Here The exam will be conducted in Computer-Based Test (CBT) mode from June 25 to June 29, 2025, covering 85 subjects across various cities nationwide. The admit card contains essential details such as the exam center, date and time, and candidate information. Steps To Download UGC NET Admit Card 2025 Step 1. Visit the official UGC NET website: Step 2. Click on the link to download the admit card on the homepage Step 3. Enter your application number and password to log in Step 4. View and download the admit card displayed on the screen Step 5. Print a copy for examination purposes The admit card includes personal details, selected subject, roll number, exam center, exam timings, and test-day guidelines. Candidates must carefully read and follow all instructions mentioned on the admit card. Admit cards will not be sent by post, and no duplicate admit cards will be issued at the exam center. UGC NET Admit Card 2025: Exam Pattern The UGC NET exam consists of two papers: Paper 1 and Paper 2. Paper 1 carries 100 marks and includes 50 multiple-choice questions that test teaching and research aptitude, reasoning ability, reading comprehension, and general awareness. On the other hand, Paper 2 has 200 marks and comprises 100 multiple-choice questions that focus on domain-specific knowledge in the subject chosen by the candidate. The total duration of the exam is 3 hours (180 minutes) without any break, and all questions are compulsory. The UGC NET exam is conducted to determine the eligibility of Indian nationals for the positions of Assistant Professor and Junior Research Fellowship and Assistant Professor in Indian universities and colleges. By clearing this exam, candidates can pursue a career in academia and research.

Hans India

3 hours ago

• Hans India

An interdisciplinary approach to gender disparity

Dr. Dipak Giri is an Indian writer, editor and critic. He has had an immense contribution to Indian Literature. His works mainly focus on those people who live on the fringes of society like women, Dalit, tribe, transgender, homosexuals and other queer identities. His book 'Gender Perspectives in Indian Context: Critical Responses' (2021) is an important addition to gender studies in India. Indian thought content and anxieties on gender issues at times, appear to confuse a rational mind. The thought advocates freedom for all, irrespective of sexual behaviour - be they normative, non-normative or any other sexual identities. Thought of equality in totality among sexes is the contemporary thematic worry, which genuinely creates contentious questions. In this context, Dr. Giri's book raises many questions that can excite critical minds to restart conversations and invigorate critical ideas. Equality is an attitudinal weapon to appear modern and open-minded and yet somewhere thoughts rich in emotional constructive content resist the temptation to accept reality with a concealed incline towards the ancient Vedic thought of liberality with a few twirls and uncertainties. In some interesting transformative points of view, women are obtaining recognition in social, economic, political and various other fields with hesitant assertion of individuality and effective presence with unique humility. If need be, they turn vocal and authoritative and it admits of sincere wish to mark an unambiguous stamp on the modern scenario of altering perspectives with regard to gender equality and autonomy to move about with aspirations to stand firm, alone and tall. One observes it everywhere with a feeling of satisfaction in many cases. But, contrarily the situation of non-normative homosexuals, transgender and other queer identities is worse and they have to walk a long before they get social acceptance and validation because society, due to homophobia and transphobia, hardly adopts liberal attitude towards them. Dr. Giri's book surfaces all these issues and opens many doors hitherto closed as a plea for these gender queers. Dr. Giri's book with twenty-seven chapters is rich in content. As an interdisciplinary study it foregrounds issues like gender role and disparity that arise out of gender discrimination, gender violence and gender binarism. The book is a thorough discussion on gender in reference to literature and other branches of learning. It discusses female questions related to love, marriage and relationship, gender discrimination at working places and educational sectors, female foeticide, child sexual abuse, patriarchal control, gendered subjugation and many other glaring issues related with gender. The book also talks about inclusivity, education and empowerment, irrespective of gender. In a word, Dr. Giri's book 'Gender Perspectives in Indian Context' is all inclusive in nature, comprising all who are victims of gender, irrespective of sexual orientation which is always welcoming. This book is highly recommendable for students, scholars and academics who wish to do further studies on gender. (P C K Prem, former civil servant and member of the Himachal Public Service Commission, is an Indian poet, novelist, short story writer, editor and critic, writing in English and Hindi)