‘You become something unique': The A-list offspring coming out as trans
Even the keenest of celebrity watchers may not have heard of Aaron De Niro before late last month. If they have since, it will likely be by a different name, as Oscar-winner Robert De Niro's 29-year-old child says she now identifies as Airyn, a transgender woman.
'There's a difference between visible and being seen,' she told online LGBTQ+ online publication Them in April about her transition. 'I've been visible. [But] I don't think I've been seen yet.'
De Niro, who has seven children in total, said he supported her decision. 'I loved and supported Aaron as my son and now I love and support Airyn as my daughter,' the A-lister said, adding: 'I don't know what the big deal is…I love all my children.'
In Hollywood, at least, the news is unlikely to raise many eyebrows. Airyn is merely the latest in a long line of stars' children who have come out as trans or non-binary, including the offspring of Sting, Elon Musk, Cher, Jamie Lee Curtis, Sigourney Weaver and Cynthia Nixon among others.
The reasons for their decisions are, of course, deeply personal and complex. But some say the choices may also be linked to the particularly strange positions they inhabit as the progeny of the rich and famous.
'By becoming trans, you can break out of the predefined role you were born into and create a new space for yourself,' says Sascha Bailey, the son of legendary photographer David and his fourth wife, model Catherine. 'You become something unique and you are rewarded for it.'
Sascha, 30, has experienced as much himself. Having struggled with depression and an unhappy marriage, he was on the verge of transitioning three years ago, intending to restart life as a transgender woman.
But Sascha halted those plans when he fell in love again and embarked on a new relationship with a new female partner. He says the experience made him realise what he could lose – such as the chance to father a child himself – if he went ahead with taking female hormones as a prelude to eventual life-altering surgery.
Sascha has written a book charting his own journey – Try to Hit the Pool: Modern Man and the Behavioural Sink, set to be published next month. In it, he explores the difficulty of growing up in the spotlight.
'I think, whatever you do in life, people are watching. If you go into the same profession as your parents, you are called a nepo baby, no matter how good you are. But if you work in Starbucks, people will take photos of you and ask, 'Why are they working in Starbucks?'' he says.
'It is [also] impossible to fully trust people as you never know what their actual motive in befriending you is,' Sascha adds. 'People will assume all sorts of things – like you have unlimited resources, because people equate fame with money. It can feel like people want to take something from you because you have something that they don't have. You are vulnerable, and it can feel hard to make real friends, to form bonds.'
Charlotte Falconer, a former teacher and children's counsellor who runs counselling service LetMeListen says that coming out as trans can be a way of stepping out of the long shadow cast by a famous parent.
'The world of being a 'celebrity's child' will come with attention drawn away from them to their parents,' Falconer says. 'So, this type of gender expression may be coming from a place of need; a place that parents may not be aware of or able to meet. Creating a gender difference is often something that can't be ignored.'
Others, including Sascha, say the children of stars may be afforded the space and time to reflect on their identities in a way that others are simply unable to, owing to financial and other pressures.
'When you are the child of a celebrity, you don't have much to strive for, to move towards, and this can feel like an easy way out because you are making an impact on the world. It can also mean that you have the funds to change yourself,' says Sascha.
James Esses, a psychotherapist and the founder of campaigning group Just Therapy, says the children of celebrities have 'the luxury of time and money to indulge in a never-ending fixation on their self-identity', arguing the phenomenon is almost uniquely the preserve of the world's most privileged societies.
'There is a reason why swathes of children from war-torn regions or facing abject poverty are not coming out as 'trans',' he says. 'It's because they have more pressing issues to focus their time and attention on rather than their self-image and self-identity.
'And the children of celebrities, who have safety and security in abundance, they have the luxury of being able to engage in endless navel gazing.'
The trend is not unique to celebrity culture, however, with up to 10,000 children across the UK thought to identify as transgender.
Sarah* says her daughter came out as trans when she was 12 and quickly went from being the victim of bullies to being celebrated by her schoolmates.
'It reminded me of American high school movies where the nerdy girl gets a makeover and immediately becomes the prom queen and gets the boyfriend,' she says.
Similarly, Sarah speculates that the children of famous parents may be looking to change their own standing. 'I imagine it is really hard to be the child of a celebrity and to get any attention yourself, as the parent is the focus of so much of it,' she says.
Esses agrees. 'We know that 'coming out' as 'trans' is often met with celebration and positive reinforcement, and with celebrity culture, these things are on steroids,' he says.
After coming out as transgender herself, Airyn De Niro posted a message on social media thanking 'everyone who's been so sweet and supportive', adding: 'I'm not used to all these eyes on me.'
But the downside of positive reinforcement, some warn, is that it can make it difficult for those who have opted to transition to change their mind again and abandon doing so. That is as true for A-listers as it is for the rest of us.
'Many of the parents currently contacting us regret having affirmed their child as the opposite sex,' says a spokesperson for Bayswater, a support group for the parents of trans-identified adolescents and young people. 'What they tell us is that they thought changing a name and pronoun was harmless and never expected it to lead to requests for cross-sex hormones or surgery. Another theme we are increasingly seeing is desistance [when a child wants to revert], which is more complicated for a child whose parents have publicly taken a position on their child's identity.'
Sascha says that when he announced he had changed his mind, 'the fallout was massive,' and some of his friends abandoned him.
'It is important that people should be able to change their mind – if they want to – without people attacking them,' he says. 'At first, I wasn't sure about speaking out, but then I started to get messages from parents and people who were transitioning and detransitioning saying that my story had made them reconsider things.'
Ironically, his status as the child of a celebrity has given him something of a platform to try and make a difference. 'It is important for people to know there are options, whatever you want to do,' Sascha says.
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