These 32 Products Are Perfect For Anyone Who Wants Amazing Results With Minimal Effort

We hope you love our recommendations! Some may have been sent as samples, but all were independently selected by our editors. Just FYI, BuzzFeed and its publishing partners may collect a share of sales and/or other compensation from the links on this page.
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Why work harder than you have to?
1. A bio-enzymatic odor and stain spray to help with the...unfortunate accidents that happen sometimes. The formula creates a nice, deep-cleaning lather, so pee spots, vomit, and stubborn stains can be easily and thoroughly erased.
www.amazon.com
Promising review: "This pet odor eliminator is a game-changer! It effectively neutralizes unpleasant smells, leaving the room smelling fresh without a harsh chemical scent. Easy to use, it works on everything from furniture to carpets, tackling both surface odors and deep-set smells." — Dan
Get it from Amazon for $15.96.
2. An undetectable mouse jiggler for anyone who needs a break but doesn't want to ruin their perfect work attendance. This will make it seem like you're active while you work on a little self-care.
www.amazon.com, www.amazon.com
Promising review:"Like everyone else, I stumbled upon this product because of a TikTok I saw. Setup was extremely easy and I'm pleased to say that my Teams green light is on all the time now. Workers of the world, unite." — Amazon Customer
Get it from Amazon for $24.99+ (available in four styles).
3. A standing weeder with three steel prongs that grip unwanted lawn invaders by the roots so your least favorite backyard chore will feel more like a claw game. Your yard can still be dandelion free even if you don't put your back into it.
Amazon
This is made with a bamboo handle and powder-coated steel. Grampa's Weeder is a family-owned small biz that sells tools to make weeding easier.
Promising review:"Oh my god, I friggin' love this tool. I bought this on a whim given we bought our first house and know nothing about caring for a yard. Boy has it come in handy. Our new house had a ton of weeds in the front yard and this tool helped me get most of them out in no time. In fact, the process of yanking out the weeds was strangely satisfying! I don't think anyone can say that weeding is fun but this tool made it as close to fun as you can get, especially when you see a long root along with the weed you pulled." — JG
Get it from Amazon for $39.99.
4. A rapid egg cooker so you can stop settling for overcooked hardboiled eggs with gross gray yolks. You deserve better. Along with hardboiled eggs, this thing can make omelets and poached and scrambled eggs, all without close supervision.
Promising review:"I was skeptical when I ordered it but use it constantly. I live in barracks and do not have a stove. I bought it for boiled eggs but use it much more for breakfast burritos. Super easy. Butter tray, put in egg and water, press the button, and walk away. By time I'm dressed for work it's ready. Throw it in a tortilla and walk out with it. More nutritious than Pop-Tarts. It does hard-boiled eggs well but don't assume thats all its good for. Great for college kids, military people, traveling workers, or anyone without access to a full kitchen." — a.l.s
Get it from Amazon for $19.99+ (available in five colors).
Check out our Dash Rapid Egg Cooker review for more deets!
5. A Revlon hot air brush for when you wanna look like you have an in-home stylist at your beck and call. Glossy, effortless waves are just a few brushes away!
Promising review:"I am a licensed cosmetologist of 30+ years and I couldn't be more pleased! Salon-perfect, shiny, bouncy blow outs! Dries and styles in one or two easy passes ( on damp hair) and provides maximum lift if I style it that way. Easily dries and styles large sections of hair making this THE BEST hairstyling tool! Highly recommend! I use the low setting and cool blast. Surprised and very happy that I don't need med/high settings. Only caveat I have come across so far: the temp/speed setting is in an awkward place to be able to change it while using. Learning curve, I suppose. Otherwise, another GREAT styling tool from Revlon! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️" — ERJ
Get it from Amazon for $32.43+ (available in three styles and four colors).
6. Or a RobeCurls heatless hair curler that will give straight and wavy hair effortless waves while you sleep. Just wrap your locks around the satin band, get some beauty sleep, and wake up feeling like elves snuck in to curl your hair.
Amazon
Emikeni is a woman-founded small business that specializes in heatless hair curling tools.
Promising review: "I don't usually leave reviews, but this exceeded my expectations. I've tried heatless curlers like this before that didn't sit flat on the top of my head and weren't bendable, so they were hard to sleep in. I love that it has a wire all the way through it so you can bend it and pull it to the back of your head (I'm a stomach and side sleeper, so I want it away from my face). If you mist your hair with a little water until it's slightly damp and wear it overnight, the curls last all day." — Jane Doe
Get it from Amazon for $29.99 (available in nine colors).
7. A grape and tomato zip slicer to put an end to the agonizing task of slicing tiny fruit. Enough is enough! This dishwasher-safe device will give you perfectly halved bites with just a swipe of the wrist.
www.youtube.com
Promising review: "Saw this on TikTok. Had to try it. LOVE IT. So fast and easy. Washes easily and we just lay it out to dry. But we have also put it in the dishwasher too. Saves us so much time and no more almost slicing fingers cutting tiny tomatoes. Wish I'd had this when the kids were tiny and I needed to cut their grapes. Would've saved me time." – Mermaid
Get it from Amazon for $19.01.
8. An automatic toilet cleaning system that shoots a bleach cleanser in your bowl with every flush, keeping things fresh between scrubbing sessions. I don't know why, but the toilet stamps kind of embarrass me — I don't want people to know I'm off-loading my toilet cleaning duties — so this is the perfect solution. 🤓
It's super quick to install, and one cartridge can last up to three months!
Promising review:"I used to use those deodorizer tablets for all my toilets in my home, and they worked. However, the chemicals from the tablets would harden the plastic/rubber flap valves in the toilet and cause them to slowly leak overnight. My water bill would be high every month. Once I switched to the Fluidmaster 8300 dispenser, keeping my toilets clean and odorless became easy. Plus, maintenance on my toilets decreased! The cartridges last three months, and replacing them requires no tools. Highly recommend." — Mikiloti
Get it from Amazon for $10.49.
9. A rust-removing gel spray – you may be tempted to say "abracadabra" as you use it. It's that magical! The powerful gel clings to rust on contact, so you can watch stains start melting off your tiles immediately; no scrubbing needed.
www.amazon.com
Use this for cleaning bathtubs, showers, toilets, colorfast fabrics, vertical surfaces, and hard-to-reach spots. It's nonabrasive and made with a nonhydrofluoric acid-based formula.
Promising review:"Holy wizardry! Seriously, it was more work to clean the mirror over the vanity than to use this product. With almost no effort, this made my dark orange, iron-water shower stall white again. I definitely suggest wearing a mask or bandana and running the ventilation fan if spraying in an enclosed area. Great product!" — Jessica B
Get it from Amazon for $11.35.
10. A set of paint touch-up pens for when you start to notice scuffs on your walls but don't want to commit to a full paint job. Just fill the pens up with paint, and you can forgo the whole roller brush entirely. This is also ideal for hiding any oopsies from your landlord when they do a walkthrough, looking for excuses to keep your security deposit.
Amazon, Slobproof
Slobproof is a small business that specializes in home improvement products.
Some reviewers use these for detail work on designs and murals. As an added bonus, these are totally airtight, so the paint in them won't dry out if you don't finish up the paint in the pen all at once.
Promising review:"These are genius! They work so well and make it no hassle to quickly retouch small areas that get scratched up. Never knew something like this existed, and now am in love with them!" — Jeff
Get a pack of two from Amazon for $14.99 (also available in packs of five).
11. A Roomba robot vacuum because if robots are going to take our jobs, it might as well be the worst ones. It'll clean your floors *and* it even works with Alexa and Google Assistant, so you can use voice control! You might as well call this device Rosey because this is Jetsons -level tech.
www.amazon.com, www.amazon.com
It runs for up to 90 minutes before automatically heading to the dock to recharge.
Promising review:"So far, it is amazing! It picks up SO much dirt and hair. We have three dogs and a cat, and my floors are spotless. We decided to get this cheaper one to see if it was something that would work for us and I am amazed! For the first week, we let it run every day. We made sure we picked everything up, and it only got stuck one time. We use it every other day and have it scheduled to run just before we get home. This thing even picks up cat litter! If you are on the fence, try it. Has made my life so much easier not having to sweep every day!" — Kathryn P.
Get it from Amazon for $219.99+ (available in two models).
12. And a self-cleaning litter box you can even control from your smartphone — sitting on the couch has never been so productive. It scoops the unmentionables into a separate compartment that you can throw away at your leisure.
The hands-free cleaning cycle runs 20 minutes after your cat leaves the litter box, moving their waste to a leak-proof, odor-controlled, and disposable tray underneath. Also grab a bag of scoop-free crystal litter and tray refills, too.
Promising reviews:"This litter box is a must for any busy family that struggles to keep up with the daily maintenance of having a cat and a litter box! It works well, and my cat is so happy always having a clean litter box." — Kelsey Decker
"I rarely write product reviews but this litter box actually made a huge difference for my house! I have had a cat for about 10 years who decides to do the number 2 about two feet outside the litter box. He has ALWAYS done this, no matter what type of litter or box. I even asked my vet about it, and his response was, "Some cats are just jerks"😂. Then I got this litter box. For the first time EVER, he does ALL of his business in the box! And there is no odor at all!! I love it so much I have two. Would highly recommend!!" — Emily Stokes
Get it from Amazon for $199.95+ (available in three styles).
13. Slow cooker liners so you don't have to yank the heavy pot out of the cooker to clean it. You can also use the heat-resistant liners to make two stews at once. Bags! Gotta love 'em.
Amazon
Bonus! These are also great for cooking cheesecakes. Just wrap the pan in one before dipping it in the water bath to keep it nice and dry.
Promising review:"This is a great deal on the multi-pack!!! Since trying these, I always use them when cooking in my Crockpot!! Cleanup is so, so easy. No mess, guaranteed!!!" — Sue
Get six liners from Amazon for $5.79.
14. Or oil-proof paper air fryer liners because I know you've been ignoring those burnt crumbs and french fry grease, hoping some enterprising elves might take care of it. Sadly, they're all busy baking cookies and mending shoes, but you can at least avoid future cleaning with the magic of disposable liners.
If you'd prefer a reusable option, check out these silicone air fryer liners.
Promising review:"These are lifesavers! Makes clean up seem unnecessary. For real. I use the air fryer a lot. I love cooking salmon brushed with olive oil. These liners keep a good 97% of anything from being in the bottom. Maybe more. When you think about how many liners you get, it's really not a bad deal for how much it helps." — Kim Kelly
Get 120 liners from Amazon for $12.29+ (available in eight sizes/shapes).
15. A magnetic eyelash set so easy to use, you'll wonder how you were ever intimidated by applying falsies. The kit comes with a magnetic liquid eyeliner that you run across the upper lash line. Then you can just pop the lashes on without having to worry about messy glue or accidentally pasting lashes to your cheek.
The kit comes with false eyelashes, magnetic eyeliner, and an applicator.
Promising reviews: "With traditional faux lashes, you put the glue on the lash then you have to put it evenly right above your own eye lash. But if your eye tends to twitch or your hand shakes, you end up spending an hour trying to put the lashes on. You just give up. I know I tried and failed plenty of times. I paid big money to let a professional do it. But NOW I DO IT MYSELF!!" — Alfrita Fox
"I've tried several different types of false eyelashes...both glued and magnetic. These are the EASIEST to apply, most COMFORTABLE to wear, and they stay FIRMLY put until I remove them! I have used the same pair for seven days with no issues whatsoever. I highly recommend this brand of magnetic eyelashes!" — tbear
Get it from Amazon for $19.99+ (available in six pack sizes).
16. A dog paw-cleaning device to keep Spot's feet squeaky clean, because you can't exactly put hand sanitizer on a dog. (Seriously, do not do that.) Fill the tube up with soapy water and let the soft bristles scrub away the day's walk.
www.amazon.com
Promising review:"Best. Thing. Ever. This product works like a charm. It gets the sand from between their pads and is gentle enough that even my most stubborn pup tolerates it! I have a terrier/schnauzer who likes to dig, a mini golden doodle who is prissy about her paws, and a standard Labradoodle puppy who is still very fuzzy. We have a farm where it is extremely sandy and we stay in a travel trailer. The amount of sand they were tracking into the camper was ridiculous. It takes me three minutes to clean and dry off all of their paws. Seriously, the best purchase I have made!" — Rachel
Get it from Amazon for $13.99+ (available in three sizes and eight colors).
17. Fanola purple shampoo that'll transform your brassy blonde into ice queen blonde in no time. The purple toner counteracts the yellow tones in your highlights and can save you frequent trips to the salon. And since it's just a shampoo, you don't have to add any extra steps to your routine.
Promising review:"Thank goodness I found this stuff!!! I'm pretty religious in getting my hair done every 10–12 weeks, mainly because my hair always goes warm and it bugs me. I'm not sure if there were new products used this last time I went to the salon, but my hair turned brassy within four weeks instead of the usual 10. Instead of taking the 40-mile drive to the salon and paying all that money again, I got this shampoo. I used it like shampoo the first night, leaving it in for two minutes. The second night, I used it like a mask, leaving it on for five minutes. Seriously, where has this shampoo been all my hair-coloring life?!" — S. Elison
Get it from Amazon for $14.23.
18. A batter dispenser you can use to make perfect pancakes and cupcakes every 👏 single 👏 time 👏. Gone are the days of using a measuring cup and dripping batter all over your stovetop. Now you can focus on the fun part: decorating! Who wants a lopsided Mickey Mouse?
You can also use it for cupcakes, too!
Promising review:"I'm an old school cook so I was skeptical about purchasing this product. However, I have arthritis and now that I am retired, I am always on the lookout for products to make meal prep easier for me. My husband and I have a big breakfast every morning and we enjoy pancakes. This dispenser made pancake making much easier. I love it. What I was very impressed with was that the batter flows so easy through the container. The dispenser makes the size of the pancakes uniform and even. Cleaning it was very easy. I'm not sure if it is dishwasher safe, but I chose to hand wash it. Nothing to it! I appreciate that this product is brightly colored, as I have a bright kitchen with Fiestaware. This dispenser matches my kitchen decor too. Yay." — Kevin and Mari Cornish
Get it from Amazon for $24.99.
19. A WD-40 pen that provides all the same benefits as the spray can (quieting squeaks, lubricating hinges, preventing rust, etc.) but now with an easy-to-maneuver, precise pen tip. You could just walk around your home, touching up every hinge you see!
www.amazon.com
Promising review: "I love WD-40 products and use them for everything. I spray on shovels to keep dirt or snow from sticking, spray around windows and thresholds to deter bugs, clean Sharpies off wood and walls, and, of course, stop squeaky doors. These small direct-point application pens are great. Keep one in the glove box, my kitchen 'junk' drawer, and the house toolbox." — BBP623
Get a three-pack from Amazon for $12.99 (also available with a trucker hat for some reason).
20. A set of drill brushes so effective, you'll be shocked how clean your bathroom used to be. Why spend the energy scrubbing when pressing a drill button will do the trick? It's so important to delegate.
www.amazon.com
The set comes with a 2-inch flat brush, a 4-inch flat brush, and a round brush. The drill isn't included, but you can grab a basic Black and Decker one ($29 on Amazon) that'll do the trick.
Promising review:"I thought my hard water stains would never come off my shower doors, but I bought this awesome brush set, and it's amazing! I've tried all the hacks — drier sheets, clean erasers, lemon, vinegar — nothing works like this brush! I used Zep shower cleaner with it! In the picture, the side on the right is the part of the door I cleaned, and I still have to clean the left side." — Traci D.
Get it from Amazon for $18.95 (available in six colors and stiffness levels).
21. Ohora semi-cured nail strips offering a professional-looking manicure, even if your past at-home attempts yielded less-than-stellar results. Apply them like stickers, seal them under a UV lamp, and you're done! These waterproof strips will look and feel like a gel manicure and last up to two weeks.
Promising review: "Love these nails! The picture is them after a week (still going strong)! I put them on for my honeymoon. I've been in the ocean for hours, and they are not showing any wear. They took maybe 15 minutes to apply — I did use a gel top coat and I think that helped keep them from chipping this long. Will be buying more!" — Amazon Customer
Get them from Amazon for $13.50 (available in 21 colors).
22. A pack of disposable shower hair catchers for people who often forget to clean the drain after a shower and too squeamish to maintain a device like the TubShroom. You can just close your eyes and throw these away when they're too hair-infested.
Amazon
Promising review:"For anyone with long hair, drainage clogging in the shower is a pain. So THANKS to whoever thought of such a simple but clever solution. They stick perfectly and the glue lasts like three weeks. It literally does not let a hair pass, and it's just so easy to place and remove. I wish I had known about this product before! A must-buy." — MER
Get a 25-pack from Amazon for $11.99 (also available in a 50-pack and 100-pack).
23. An eyeliner with a wing-shaped stamp so you can just stamp on your cat-eye liner and feel like you hired Adele's makeup artist. No more erasing and retrying one million times!
www.amazon.com, www.amazon.com
Lovoir Beauty is a small biz based in New Zealand that sells this genius winged eyeliner stamp known as The Flick Stick.
Promising review:"I just want to make my morning routine as easy as possible. I love winged liner, but I don't have the steady hand for it without mistakes. This makes the perfect and consistent wing every time. Love it!" — Julie B
Get it from Amazon for $14.97 (available in three sizes or a combo style).
24. A breakfast sandwich maker that cooks every part of the sandwich at once and then neatly stacks them together so you can skip the line at your local deli. Those $8 charges are starting to add up, after all.
All the removable, nonstick parts on this sandwich maker are dishwasher safe.
Promising review:"My college daughter loves this sandwich maker! It's quick and simple and requires no more than an outlet, although I do recommend spraying non-stick on the plates once in a while or at least wiping with a touch of Crisco. This makes cleaning it easier, too. Makes sandwiches just like the fast food joint but at far less cost, and you can do it in your jammies!" — AZDonnamae
Get it from Amazon for $24.99 (available in five colors).
25. A box of Color Catcher sheets to prevent the dreaded "all my clothes are now pink from this one stray red sock" debacle. These handy sheets are designed to grab any dye that leaks or bleeds so you can keep enjoying your white tees even if you're not sorting clothes into lights and darks.
www.amazon.com
Promising review:"These Color Catcher sheets really protect colors from bleeding. It makes all clothes/laundry brighter and looking like new — not that old washed color after just one wash without these sheets. I give this product 5+ stars. Highly recommend. A few pennies spent additionally on your laundry makes one look like wearing new clothes all the time." — Nikita
Get 72 sheets from Amazon for $10.95 (also available in multipacks).
26. A game-changing veggie chopper that will make quick work of your prep work. Just add your veggies, slam down the lid, enjoy freshly chopped produce, and then throw the device in the dishwasher when you're done. Now you'll be crying tears of joy instead of tears from onion cutting.
www.amazon.com
Check out a TikTok of the veggie chopper in action.
Promising review:"This is one of my absolute favorite kitchen tools! This is right up there with my stand mixer. I save hours a week using this for dinner prep. I HATE cutting up veggies for dinner, and this makes it fast and fun! I can't believe I didn't buy one years ago. This is worth every penny. Easy to use, and I can just throw it in my dishwasher for clean up. I'm obsessed. I will be buying these as gifts. This is an absolute must-have for everyone." — Reviewer
27. A pack of Spin Pins you can use to keep your hair firmly in place, saving you from constantly readjusting or fighting flyaways.
One of these coils is as strong as ~20 standard hairpins. Some reviewers note that these are a little too short for super-thick hair.
Promising review:"I'm a nursing student and have to wear my hair in a bun every day. I've tried all the bun makers, watched YouTube videos, and spend way too much time on getting my hair into a bun. I was able to make a pretty bun that was secure in under 30 seconds. I thought it was a fluke so I did it again, and then again. I have hair to my mid back, and three of these worked perfectly for me. If I can get my hair in a bun in under 30 seconds, trust me...anyone can." — Tina
Get a pack of three from Amazon for $7.99 (also available in a two pack).
28. A closet organizer *and* shirt folder that will finally address your — quite frankly — alarming dresser. Instead of balled-up tees crammed into drawers, you can enjoy neatly folded T-shirts that are easy to flip through.
ThreadStax, www.amazon.com
Promising review:"Love this. I bought the 20-pack. I love clothes, and I'm a neat freak without a lot of closet space. Now, I can store my shirts and camis on my closet shelves and can see and access each one individually. Wish they were more affordable, or I'd buy even more!" — Wendy I. Smith
Get it from Amazon for $29.99+ (available in two sizes and five multipacks).
29. Silver cleaning wipes because the last thing you need is a set of dirty silverware ~tarnishing~ your reputation. These ammonia-free wipes offer long-lasting shine, protect items from scratching, and are soooo much easier to use than polishing pastes.
www.amazon.com, www.amazon.com
I've used these and can confirm they work super fast!
Promising review:"It is very uncommon for me to write a review but this product is amazing. My family's silverware had not been polished in the 15 years since I married my husband. The only time I ever polished anything before it was messy and smelly and took forever. Therefore I didn't have any interest in polishing something that we weren't using. I decided to try these wipes because the price was reasonable. They are easy to use and do a wonderful job! The silverware looks silver! I used four wipes to polish a service of eight, and it took me about 20 minutes. I highly recommend this product!" — Kehrli
Get a pack of 20 from Amazon for $9.55.
30. A jewelry cleaning pen you can count on to add new shine to your gems; no costly trip to the jeweler required. As someone who refuses to take off rings before washing dishes, showering, etc., I need this!
www.amazon.com
The pen is filled with a jewelry-cleaning formula that removes dirt and oil and reduces the appearance of scratches, allowing your gems to really shine. Just remove the cap, brush the solution on your jewelry, and wait for it to dry.
Promising review:"I have a 2.5-carat wedding ring and have a hard time really finding anything that gets that 'first-day' sparkle back. With the Dazzle Stick, it shines again. Thank you so much!" — C.Skinner
Get it from Amazon for $9.28.
31. A Conair handheld steamer that I personally swear by for turning wrinkly balls of fabric back into the pristine garments they were before you left them in the bottom of your closet. It heats up quickly and removes wrinkles in minutes. And you really can't beat the price for how effective it is.
www.amazon.com, www.amazon.com
I originally bought this steamer for my wedding three years ago, and it's still going strong! It heats up in about a minute and does a great job working through tough wrinkles. It's super small, so it's perfect for one or two garments. Just be careful not to overfill it — it seriously only needs like a splash of water.
Promising review: "This steamer was a lifesaver. It can fix any wrinkled clothes or bent fabric props and make a tough wig a breeze to work with and style. I highly recommend. It does have a small water capacity, but you can work with it for a decent amount of time. Definitely good for the price point." — Alexa
Get it from Amazon for $19.99+ (available in three colors and also a "travel smart" version).
32. Or if you wanna be really speedy, a bottle of Downy wrinkle release spray you can just spray on and watch the wrinkles magically vamoose.
www.amazon.com
Promising review:"This stuff is the bomb dot com. You just spray it on your clothes, smooth out the clothes with your hands quickly, wait a few minutes and the clothes are wrinkle-free! I hate ironing, so this is magic. Obviously, it won't work on hard creases but wrinkles from the dryer, for example, it will get rid of." — J. Larsen
Get two bottles and a mini from Amazon for $16.99.
Reviews for this post have been edited for length and clarity.

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It's Time We Acknowledge That Older Sisters Are The Backbone Of Society

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Eldest daughters see what needs to be done and do it ― but it comes at a cost, said Lisette Schuitemaker, the author of 'The Eldest Daughter Effect: How Firstborn Women Harness Their Strengths.' 'Our particular life path makes us into responsible, dutiful, hands-on, thoughtful and caring women,' she said. 'You will often find us in positions of leadership because we have been trained to take the lead from a young age.' The flip side of that 'is we can get bogged down by the many tasks on our to-do lists because we feel responsible for all and need to save the planet,' she said. Oldest brothers deal with a lot, no doubt, but it's different for girls; a 2016 UNICEF study found that girls between ages 5 and 14 spend 40% more time on domestic work than boys. 'There are usually different gender expectations placed on boys vs. girls,' said Leeor Gal, a marriage and family therapist in Pennsylvania. 'Girls are oftentimes raised to be 'caring,' and boys are raised to be 'tough.'' 'Caring' entails a lot: 'What you sometimes see is oldest daughters developing people-pleasing tendencies or feeling responsible for other's well-being,' Gal said. 'A younger girl might learn to put her needs last for the sake of someone else.' Y.L. Wolfe is the oldest of everything: oldest daughter, oldest child out of four siblings, oldest grandchild and oldest niece. 'I always saw myself as my mother's assistant throughout my life ― even when I was very young,' she told HuffPost. 'I have memories going back to the age of 3 in which I was worrying about my younger sister's welfare when she was 1.' Parentification, where a child feels compelled to take on responsibility for their family's emotional, physical and/or mental well-being, was a huge part of Wolfe's childhood. Psychologists say emotional parentification can lead to difficulty in self-regulating, setting boundaries and building relationships. Growing up, Wolfe would watch her baby brother before school when she was 11 (he even started calling her 'second mom'), go grocery shopping for the family and handle any emergencies that cropped up. 'When I was in high school, and my mother had a health crisis, my father called me from the hospital, crying, telling me they didn't know if my mother was going to make it and that he needed me to take care of the kids until the doctors could figure out what was wrong,' Wolfe said. She did what she always did and stepped up, taking care of everything until her mother could come home. She recalls her dad insisting she didn't tell the other kids how bad it was. 'He wanted to protect them, but that same thought wasn't extended to me,' she said. 'I am sometimes haunted by that memory because no one thought about how young I still was and how much I needed protection, too.' In adulthood, she became the peacemaker of the family, the go-between when family members were in conflict. When her sisters had kids, she often felt like an executive assistant to them. 'I've been there through so much, helped with doctor's appointments, moving into new houses, helping take care of the kids when they were sick,' she said. Wolfe admits she sometimes wonders if her family would continue to ask for favors if she'd had a family of her own. 'If you're single and don't have children, the expectation is that we don't have any obligations or stressors in life and so we owe our families extra labor,' she said. Wolfe said it took her until her 40s to recognize how much of her identity was tied up in big sister-ness and how much it took out of her. Now, she's heartened to see younger generations put their feet down. 'To suddenly see women collectively stepping into an 'eldest daughter revolution,' as I call it, has brought me to my knees in gratitude,' she said. 'I felt like I was always trying to extract myself from this dynamic in a vacuum. It's about time we are talking about this!' As the oldest of four in an immigrant family, Parween Mander, a financial coach from Vancouver, Canada, also felt like a makeshift third parent growing up. 'I was always keenly aware of specific financial challenges my parents were going through ― translating bank statements and tax papers for them and talking with bank representatives,' she said. The biggest hurdle happened when she was 16 years old, and the family almost lost their home. Mander recalls sitting in on meetings with mortgage representatives and trying her best to help her parents secure a new mortgage. 'That taught me that not having money means a lack of power, safety and control,' she said. 'It defined my relationship with money.' New financial challenges crop up with aging parents: retirement planning and medical bills. As an older daughter, Mander said she still picks up the slack. She notices the same tendencies among her clients who are older siblings: They'll overextend themselves with younger siblings, too ― lending money they may not have, grabbing the bill when out for dinners and overspending on gifts. 'As the oldest, typically we don't want our siblings to witness or go through financial hardship and money scarcity like we did, so I find that a lot of those clients spend money each month to buy their siblings things,' she said. Mander has started to use the phrase 'good daughter trauma' to describe the innate desire to use money as a tool to people please and ensure others around you are taken care of financially. After a while, your family comes to expect that. When older siblings act differently, saying no or prioritizing their own needs, it shocks the family system. 'If we spend money on ourselves or prioritize ourselves first, we are labeled selfish or 'cheap,'' she said. Vidhusha Thirugnanam is another exhausted big sister from a first-generation immigrant family. Growing up in Toronto, Canada, she helped her parents understand documents and Canadian life while setting an example for her two younger sisters. The burden of being perfect was heavy. 'I sought validation from my parents and did whatever it took to maintain peace in the household,' Thirugnanam told HuffPost. 'That was always too much pressure for a child.' As she got older, she realized it wasn't her responsibility to fix her family. There are jokes online about how cataclysmic it would be if the oldest daughters went on strike, and to some extent, that's exactly what Thirugnanam did. Her family is faring fine, and her life has been a lot calmer since. 'I decided to take a step back in family duties and focus more on myself. I established boundaries and no longer seek validation,' she said. 'I found peace of mind doing this. I recommend it to all oldest daughters who feel they are being emotionally and physically drained by their family's expectations of them.' Learning to establish healthy boundaries and recognizing when your mental health is at stake are huge milestones, said Thirugnanam, who's made a number of TikToks about the oldest daughter experience. Today, she leans into the saying, 'You cannot pour into the cups of others if you yourself are empty. Learn to fill your own cup first.' 'A lot of oldest daughters will run themselves dry, putting their family's needs ahead of their own,' she said. 'I am here to normalize oldest daughters taking a step back for the sake of their own well-being.' Want to take on less as the oldest? Below are some tips on taking a step back while still being an integral, important part of your family. The goal is to feel responsible but not take responsibility all the time, Schuitemaker said. Practice letting others take the lead, even if it would be easier to address yourself rather than wait for them to do it. At 69, Schuitemaker said she still has to remind herself that her siblings and younger family members can care for themselves. 'Let others organize the family outing, or don't automatically take all the care of your elderly parents on your shoulders,' she said. 'It's not easy, but you will also be pleasantly surprised by what others are able to handle.' Setting boundaries is a great place to start, but it's not just boundaries with others that we need to work on, Gal said; it's boundaries with ourselves, too. 'It's not easy to change years of habits and actions, so we must first start with getting comfortable with saying no to ourselves before we do so with others,' she said. Try to identify your needs within the family: Do you care whether or not you're hosting the holidays or cooking a three-course dinner for someone's birthday? If you don't want to, practice identifying that within yourself first. 'Once that has been set, you are ready to suggest someone else's house for this year's gathering,' Gal said. 'You don't have to make huge leaps; simply start with something small and make your way towards the bigger boundaries.' If you've shouldered financial responsibilities in the past, recognize that it's OK to ask for help and be vulnerable yourself, Mander said. 'You don't have to do this alone,' she said. 'Depending on your situation and how old your siblings are, find a way to split and even out the financial responsibilities you carry with them.' Always make sure to put money aside into your own savings account(s) first or debt repayment before lending or spending money on others, she added. 'What I find is with my clients because they don't have financial clarity, they spend and give money away because they 'go with the flow' and don't know if they can truly afford to support others,' she said. 'Once we get them on a budget and system, they're able to make better decisions and stick up for themselves because now they can see the impact of helping someone else before themselves,' she said. It wasn't until her 40s that Wolfe started to look at her family dynamic with clear eyes and realize the support she received from her family pale in comparison to what she'd given them through the years. 'These days, I'm not interested in allowing people to burden me with non-reciprocal expectations, and frankly, despite how much I love them, I'm tired of being my family's concierge,' she said. Hoping to turn a new page, she started doing boundary work with her therapist. 'I won't lie: It's hard work,' she admitted. 'It's hard to break free from this dynamic because many of us are proud of what we do and have done for our families. We know this makes us valuable to them.' But as Wolfe has learned, that belief can derail your life path and make you forget who you are separate from your loved ones. 'I often feel that part of the reason I never had kids was because I knew it would shift my attention away from my family, and I was terrified to let them down,' she said. 'Today, though I still wrestle with that fear, I'm more terrified of letting myself down than them.' The 6 Most Common Things Oldest Siblings Bring Up In Therapy Are You 'Parentifying' Your Children? Here's What You Should Know. 30 Too-Real Tweets About Being The Eldest Daughter

Yahoo

17 hours ago

• Yahoo

Your Phone Should Always Be Face Down When It's on the Table: Here's Why

Picture this: You're having lunch with a friend at the neighborhood cafe. They're sitting in front of you, but it feels like they're not even there. Why? Because they're staring at their phone. Everyone has probably had a similar experience, whether they're the one getting phone snubbed or doing the snubbing themselves. I've been guilty of paying more attention to my screen than my companion, and I feel bad about it afterward. There's nothing wrong with replying to an urgent Slack message or pulling up a funny TikTok to share. But I know I probably spend too much time staring at screens, and a lot of that time is unhealthy doomscrolling. These days, when I'm not using my phone, I try to be more deliberate about keeping it out of sight and out of mind. If I do need to keep my phone at hand, I always have it face down. I have a few reasons for making sure my phone screen is turned away. The first one is practical: Because my screen is face down and won't turn on for each notification, I can save a little bit of battery charge. A single notification won't mean the difference between my phone lasting the whole day or dying in the afternoon, but notifications can add up, especially if I've enabled them across all of my apps. If I'm in a lot of group chats, my screen might end up turning on dozens of times throughout the day (and that's on the low side since many teenagers have hundreds of notifications a day). Keeping my phone face down is also a good rule of social etiquette: If I'm hanging out with someone, I keep my screen hidden from view as a subtle way of showing that I won't be distracted by it. I don't want incoming notifications to light up my screen every few seconds, especially if I'm in a bar or other dimly lit setting. I want to keep my eyes on the person I'm talking to. "Eye contact is one of the most powerful forms of human connection. Neuroscience research indicates that when two people make direct eye contact, their brain activity begins to synchronize, supporting more effective communication and increasing empathy. This synchrony can be disrupted when attention shifts to a phone, even briefly," says Michelle Davis, clinical psychologist at Headspace. When I'm with the people I've chosen to spend time with, I want to be fully present with them. A sudden notification will tempt me to glance at, or worse, pick up my phone in the middle of a conversation. I also have a more personal reason for keeping my phone face down, and I suspect that other people have had this same thought: My phone takes up too much space in my life. I mean that quite literally. My phone is bigger than it needs to be. That's been especially true since I upgraded from my iPhone Mini to a "normal-sized" iPhone. Yes, I got a much needed boost in battery life, but I also got a screen with more pixels to lure me into the next news headline or autoplaying Instagram reel. A small smartphone isn't something that really exists anymore. My phone is bigger and better at grabbing my attention. It competes against my friends and family, books and movies, the entire world outside of its 6-inch screen. It often wins. But there's still one small thing I can do to minimize its presence: I can keep the screen turned away from me whenever possible. It can sometimes feel like there's no escaping from my phone. Whether that ever changes, or phones evolve into a new form factor, I can't say. I can't control everything about my phone, but I can control whether the screen stares at me when I'm not staring at it.

Buzz Feed

a day ago

• Buzz Feed

Teachers, Tell Us How Parents Should Get Involved

As a former high school English teacher, I can list all the ways I thought I'd see parents get involved in their child's education — and all the ways it rarely happened. It's unfortunately not an uncommon experience for educators. So I'm asking teachers (past and present) in our BuzzFeed Community to share ways they wish parents took on a more active role in their child's education. Maybe you, like me, used to teach English literature, and found yourself sending progress reports home regularly for students falling behind. However, no one seemed to respond until report cards hit their mailbox. Then, several parents wanted to know what extra credit opportunities could be made available for their kid who was missing dozens of assignments. Maybe you're an elementary school teacher, and one of your students keeps getting physical with others. Not only is it flat-out mean, but it's also a distraction in the classroom. You've tried to host guided conversations with the parents about techniques that could curb the behavior at home, but the parents refuse to believe it's happening at all. Or, maybe there's a student in your class who is never IN class. Their parent pulls them out of school for vacations monthly. And while you love that the kid is getting to live their best life, it's very hard to keep them on track, and you wish their parents could at least keep them up to date on their studies while abroad. Whatever the case may be, we want to hear about it. Teachers, tell us how you wish parents got more involved in their child's education in the comments. Or, if you'd like to remain anonymous, use the Google form below. Your response could be featured in an upcoming post.