First openly gay GRA President encourages force members to be honest about ‘who they are' after ‘difficult' years hiding

THE first openly gay president of the Garda Representative Association has revealed how he was married to the mother of their two teenage children when he came out.
Mark O'Meara today takes the courageous step of telling his story to encourage other members of the force not to fear being "open and honest about who they are".
Advertisement
4
The GRA President, photographed in his office, has issued an encouraging message for other force members
Credit: CONOR Ó MEARÁIN
4
The Garda Representative Association have been accepting of his sexuality
Credit: Collect
His decision to speak also comes ten years on from the Marriage Referendum, after which he found new love and is now remarried with his husband Rory, while also maintaining a really positive friendship with his ex-wife and two children.
It's a far cry from when he was left really struggling, battling with the weight on his shoulders he felt from his
O'Meara explained: "Having hidden my sexuality most of my life, I think now that I can be open and honest on how difficult that time of my life was.
"I have no doubt so too do many other
Advertisement
READ MORE ON LGBT
"It's not being the real you, the complete you, that affects your relationships with others, in my case it was with my ex-wife and our two children.
"I'm not saying we didn't have a good
"But it could have been so much more, particularly for my kids, who no matter how much they deny it, had to find it so very difficult and upsetting, and I'm still very conscious of that.
"I was lucky in so many ways that my wife and
Advertisement
Most read in Irish News
Originally from Thurles in Co
From an early age, O'Meara knew he was 'different' but didn't know how to label it because it was a time in
Gardai roll out new tool in crackdown on e-scooters
After secondary school, he moved to
After some bar work and other random jobs, he signed up for the
Advertisement
It was in the
O'Meara said: "Sexuality wasn't an issue for me at that point. From memory, it had no relevance to me at that time at all.
"I had no doubts that I wanted to get married."
Following almost nine years based in England's capital, he and his wife returned to Ireland as he joined the
Advertisement
They lived a happy life and had two children together, but as time passed, O'Meara's sexuality began to take its toll.
It affected his confidence and how he put himself forward, describing it as one of the most difficult things he has had to grapple with in life.
'MARRIAGE BEGAN TO SUFFER'
He explained: "It only became an issue for me years later after the birth of our second child but I just put it to the back of my mind and had more or less resigned myself to my life with my wife and kids and that was it.
"We were such good friends so I just thought that sexuality wouldn't be an issue and we would grow old together, and in my mind then I thought my sexuality would have been something in my past.
Advertisement
"Things just started to fragment over time and the marriage began to suffer and we took the difficult decision to separate.
"I think at that point I just knew I would have to walk away, the pressures were affecting me both physically and mentally.
"We tried
"That was the most difficult part, but funnily enough it was the news of the breakdown of the marriage that hurt them most, whereas the news of my sexuality seemed to be insignificant in comparison for them."
Advertisement
While the separation and divorce was "very difficult" for the
'HAPPY RELATIONSHIP'
In 2015, O'Meara met his partner Rory, who his children see as their "second dad", and the couple later wed.
He added: "My ex-wife and I enjoy a close relationship and we talk regularly. I was lucky to meet someone, and after the marriage referendum I married my husband Rory, in August 2018.
"My ex-wife and our children were at the
Advertisement
There was no "big reveal" of O'Meara's sexuality to his friends or community but eventually people became aware and he told some colleagues at work, who he got great support from.
O'Meara explained: "I was attached to the
"But I never once witnessed any homophobic or masochistic attitudes towards me.
"In fact it was quite the opposite and they were hugely, hugely supportive towards me. I think like myself, many of them forgot I was gay because it became so insignificant that it made no difference whatsoever.
Advertisement
"I think what was important to them was that I was still the same person and that I hadn't changed and I was still 'Mark', but Mark just happened to be gay.
"I was stationed in Cahir in South Tipperary for 17 years before the College and again, when I came out, all I've ever had is support and never judgement. I've done enough of that to myself over my lifetime, so I'm grateful others haven't judged me."
'BE YOURSELF'
O'Meara also told how his sexuality has never affected his career or work with the GRA, which represents over 11,000 rank and file garda members.
He added: "It's never been an issue. Being the first openly gay President of the Association hasn't caused me any difficulties."
Advertisement
Asked if he had any advice for members who are struggling like he once did, he said: "I came from a completely different generation in many ways to the younger members, but still I personally never had to deal with any negative experience, repercussions or hostility for my sexuality.
"Clearly I cannot speak for every one of my colleagues around my age. But I think for younger members, I certainly hope that it is less of an issue for them. For those that believe it is an issue, I would appeal to them to 'just be yourself, be yourself and be proud of your sexuality.
"Don't shy away from it, and please don't cause yourself any unnecessary mental and physical anguish and pain over the years.
"Our sexuality, whatever it is, is a proud part of us all, but it doesn't, nor should it, define us."
Advertisement
4
Mark O'Meara married his partner Rory in 2018
Credit: Collect
4
Mark revealed his children view his husband as a 'second dad'
Credit: CONOR Ó MEARÁIN

Try Our AI Features

Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:

Learn with AIFact CheckingText to SpeechAI Summary

Related Articles

Irish Independent

4 days ago

• Irish Independent

New policing model is ‘unmitigated disaster' breaking links between gardaí and communities, garda bodies warn

They also say that new regulations on conduct and performance will 'do little' to dispel fears among their members over an 'excessive use of discipline and suspension'. The Garda Representative Association (GRA) and the Association of Garda Sergeants and Inspectors (AGSI) appeared before the Justice Committee this afternoon to discuss a range of issues including recruitment and retention, pursuit policy, and discipline within the force. A significant emphasis was placed on the new Garda operating policing model which has moved the organisation from a local district model to a larger divisional one. The GRA's General Secretary, Ronan Slevin, described it as an 'unmitigated disaster' which is 'not fit for purpose'. 'This has created super-sized divisions that span across many counties and has starved communities of local stations and local policing. In many ways, division is the key word here as that is exactly what this model has caused between our trusted, dedicated members and the public and communities that they serve,' Mr Slevin said. AGSI General Secretary, Ronan Clogher, told the committee that an overarching problem with the operating model is the issue of resources. He pointed to the Mayo/Roscommon/Longford division, saying it is a 'geographical area that is completely unpoliceable' and that it is 'impossible to manage a division of that size' which stretches from Blacksod on the west coast to Granard in Longford. He said that resources are being dragged away from smaller towns to provide cover for main towns that act as satellite hubs for the rest of the division. Mr Clogher added that this is 'breaking a link' between gardaí and the communities they police. 'People do not know their guards, the guards do not know their people'. He also said 'silos' were being created within the force between plain clothed and uniformed personnel and that, for a small police for like the Garda, 'that is a very risky thing to happen, particularly in the rural areas'. ADVERTISEMENT Learn more The Garda Commissioner, Drew Harris, defended the operating model at the committee last week, saying the old model was unsustainable with changes introduce to 'enhance the service we provide to the public'. Mr Slevin today said that little action is being taken to address the issue of morale while there is ongoing concern about the suspension policy. He added that the excessive use of discipline and suspension has resulted in members being in fear of receiving any form of complaint as there is little trust in the discipline process. He also said that that the recently enacted Conduct, Performance and Standards of Professional Behaviour Regulations 'will do little to dispel this fear'. 'The now infamous bicycle case not only highlighted the excessive use of suspension, but highlights the lack of understanding of how community policing works by senior gardaí. The more recent case in Limerick where a member was cleared of all 22 charges after a near seven-year investigation while languishing on suspension further highlights the fears members face when the perform their duty and complaints and investigations are launched,' Mr Slevin said. There are currently around 90 gardaí suspended for a range of reasons including domestic violence, sexual assault, and drink driving. In relation to garda pursuits, Ronan Slevin said that a recent policy created an issue whereby gardaí can't engage unless they are pursuit trained, but added that there is no pursuit training within An Garda Síochána. 'It leaves our members in the control room and the drivers themselves to make a snap decision on whether you're going to allow a pursuit to continue. 'Your decision is made in a split second and analysed as slowly as possible if there's an error made, and that is causing some serious concern to our members.' He said that if gardaí do not have the power to pursue, then criminals will get away by simply exceeding the speed limit, knowing that the guards can't follow.' The GRA also said that some 17,000 gardaí are needed with the recruitment and retention crisis ongoing for the past five years.

Extra.ie​

5 days ago

• Extra.ie​

Policing model ‘an unmitigated disaster and unfit for purpose'

The Operational Policing Model (OPM), in place since 2019, has been an 'unmitigated disaster and is not fit for purpose', the Oireachtas Justice Committee will be told today. The OPM was introduced as part of the Government's reform programme, titled 'A Policing Service for Our Future', which emerged from the Commission on the Future of Policing in Ireland. Both the Garda Representative Association (GRA) and the Association of Garda Sergeants and Inspectors (AGSI) will today outline their ongoing opposition to the new model. The general secretary of the GRA, Ronan Slevin, will say: 'The aim of this model was to modernise AGS [An Garda Síochána], by decentralising decision-making, enhancing community engagement, and improving frontline visibility. This has proved to be an unmitigated disaster and is not fit for purpose.' Ronan Slevin, General Secretary. Pic Gareth Chaney/Collins Photos Mr Slevin will add: 'This has created super-sized divisions that span across many counties and has starved communities of local stations and policing. In many ways, division is the key word here, as that is exactly what this model has caused between our trusted, dedicated members and the public and communities that they serve. 'Prior to the implementation of the OPM, Ireland possessed the most desired model of community policing in the policing world. As a result of the OPM, the local garda has been stripped from the community. 'Where previously the majority of incidents in country areas were investigated by the local garda, which resulted in increased local knowledge, now, under the OPM, most incidents, while investigated, are done so by gardaí stationed miles away with little or no knowledge of the community, and no real reason to expand that knowledge.' Pic: Collins Photos The AGSI, will say it is the 'resounding view' of its membership that the OPM has had a 'profoundly negative' effect on policing, and warn that it is 'well known' there is significant public dissatisfaction with the service delivery provided by the gardaí following its introduction. They will say it has been adapted from similar models utilised internationally, but will add that a 'fundamental and fatal flaw' is the architects of the Irish version 'failed to take account' of the unique policing and geographical requirements in this jurisdiction. It will say: 'The AGSI are now of the view the current operating model has negatively affected interactive community policing in this country. 'It is no surprise international police forces have recognised the fundamental flaws with the operating model and are withdrawing from this and returning to more traditional policing models.' The AGSI will acknowledge that there have been some 'positive developments' that have arisen out of the operating model, such as business services hubs, which transfer administration tasks to Garda staff. The association will say: 'The creation of Divisional Protective Service Units has been a very positive development for the organisation. However, this is an initiative that was not reliant on the introduction of the operating model and could have been established under the previous traditional policing model.' On retention, the AGSI will warn 'excessive' oversight and social media are some of the 'causes' affecting Garda morale. The GRA, meanwhile, will say there remains a 'massive issue with morale' with little action taken to address it. It will say that the continuous issuing of policies and procedures that members must comply with, and the excessive use of discipline and suspension, have resulted in members being in fear of receiving any form of complaint, as there is little trust in the discipline process.

The Journal

5 days ago

• The Journal

Garda group to say that little action has been taken to solve 'massive issue' of poor morale

A 'MASSIVE ISSUE' remains in An Garda Síochána with poor morale and little action has been taken to address the issue, a Garda union will tell politicians today. The Garda Representative Association (GRA) and the Association of Garda Sergeants and Inspectors (AGSI) are due to appear before the Oireachtas Justice committee this afternoon. In their opening remarks, the GRA will launch criticise work by the Government to resolve the problems associated with a new policing management system, and claim that overbearing discipline has forced gardaí to be afraid to act. Ronan Slevin, the GRA General Secretary, will tell TDs and Senators that the issues have been long identified, but that no action has been taken to ease them. 'There remains a massive issue with morale within the ranks of An Garda Síochána, with little action being taken to address the issue. 'The continuous issuing of policies and procedures which members must comply with, and the excessive use of discipline and suspension has resulted in members being in fear of receiving any form of complaint as there is little trust in the discipline process. 'Sadly, the recently enacted Conduct, Performance and Standards of Professional Behaviour Regulations will do little to dispel that fear,' he will say. Suspensions Slevin will raise the issue of the suspension of a Garda for giving a bicycle to an elderly man, and that of another garda in Limerick who was suspended for seven years but who was recently been cleared of any wrongdoing. He will say that the bicycle case demonstrates how senior gardaí showed a 'lack of understanding of how community policing works'. Slevin will go on to say that staff retention and recruitment targets are being missed because of a failure to implement measures to stop the issue. 'It was once the situation that the best recruiter for a career in the AGS [An Garda Síochána], were the gardaí themselves. Sadly this is no longer the case. 'Exit interviews carried out by the GRA clearly show serious areas of concern among members who have decided to leave the organisation. Advertisement 'These issues in conjunction with the overall feelings of low morale led recently to a vote of no confidence in the Garda Commissioner. Sadly, little has changed since. Denial of low morale and associated issues continue,' he will say. In its opening remarks, the AGSI will outline failures to address retention and recruitment issues, community policing, road traffic deaths and the new divisional policing model. It will also comment on the problems of keeping gardaí and hiring new recruits. 'An Garda Síochána is now entrenched within a cycle of continuous failures to meet recruitment targets year-on-year. 'This failure has not been sufficiently recognised by Government or Garda management with the Government in recent years attributing this to covid, full employment and lifestyle choices,' the group's opening statement will say. The AGSI will say that there is a broad failure to recognise the actual 'fundamental root causes'. It will also highlight pay and pensions disparity, social media commentary, excessive oversight and bureaucracy, change fatigue, workload and work related stress. It will also cite industrial relations processes for the poor morale among senior gardaí. 'Radical' The AGSI statement will also say that a number of initiatives have been implemented, but that these are 'short remedies' and are not 'radical' enough to solve the problem. It will strongly criticise the Divisional and Operation Model that was introduced recently, stating that it has negatively impacted the Garda's relationship with the public. The model essentially redraws the garda command map across the country, and rather than specific units and areas being led by officers with sole operational command, it places them under an umbrella management system. AGSI will also claim that international police forces who adopted the model previously have scrapped it and moved back to the more traditional command structures. 'The model has been adapted from Similar policing models internationally, but a fundamental and fatal flaw is that the architects of the Irish version failed to take account of the unique policing and geographical requirements within the jurisdiction. 'The AGSI are now of the view that the current operating model has negatively affected interactive community policing in this country,' the AGSI opening statement adds. Commissioner Drew Harris appeared last week at the Justice Committee and defended the model, which was criticised by a number of TDs and senators. Readers like you are keeping these stories free for everyone... A mix of advertising and supporting contributions helps keep paywalls away from valuable information like this article. Over 5,000 readers like you have already stepped up and support us with a monthly payment or a once-off donation. Learn More Support The Journal