This young band openly loathe Britain. So why is Labour giving them our money?
It's 'embarrassing to be from England', because the English are 'extremely racist' and 'I don't understand why anyone would be proud of that.' So says Phoebe Lunny, singer with a young Brighton band named Lambrini Girls. They released a song, sarcastically entitled God's Country, declaring that Britain is full of 'racist uncles' and 'flag-sha---rs'.
You may be wondering why I'm wasting your time telling you about these nitwits. Don't worry, there is a reason. It's because the Government has just awarded them a big fat chunk of your money.
To be specific: it's a share of a £1.6 million grant from the Music Export Growth Scheme. Labour's Lisa Nandy, the Culture Secretary, hailed all the grant's recipients, including Lambrini Girls, as 'the best of British culture'.
No doubt some taxpayers will be thinking: 'This young band openly loathe our country. So why should we be forced to fund them? In fact, come to think of it: why should we be forced to fund them even if they hadn't called our country racist and embarrassing? If they want money, how about they try earning it, by writing songs that lots of people would enjoy listening to, and playing gigs that lots of people would be willing to pay to see?'
All perfectly reasonable questions. Personally, though, I think there's a question that's even more important.
Which is: do the members of this band really have no idea how pathetically stale, clichéd and boring they are?
I mean, for pity's sake. This sort of routine isn't remotely fresh or original. The Sex Pistols were doing it half a century ago, with their songs trashing the monarchy and calling Britain a 'fascist regime'. And at least when the Pistols did it, it was bold and rebellious. Not any more. Nowadays, practically the entire ruling elite holds the exact same views as the Lambrini Girls. Let's face it: they all think Britain is racist and embarrassing and nothing to be proud of.
Parroting the consensus view of the current establishment, therefore, is not rebellious. Quite the opposite. It's rigidly conformist.
So, if Lambrini Girls really wanted to be shocking and outrageous, they'd say they were proud to be British. In fact, they'd say they were proud of the British Empire. They'd open every gig by performing an absolutely sincere cover of Rule, Britannia! – and end by singing God Save the King.
Not only that, they'd write songs with titles like Hooray for Israel, Women Don't Have Testicles, Perhaps Net Immigration of One Million People a Year is a Little on the High Side, and Deport Foreign Nonces Now No Matter What Excuses They Feed Some Gullible Lefty Judge. All those songs would horrify today's ruling class, and almost certainly get them banned from radio and TV. Which is, surely, the whole point of punk.
In fact, if by some miracle they were permitted to perform such songs on the BBC, it would probably be the biggest scandal in British broadcasting since the Sex Pistols taught some very naughty words to Bill Grundy.
Then again, if Lambrini Girls did write songs like that, Labour ministers might be a bit less keen to give them free money. So perhaps it pays to be conformist, after all.
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