The Snitch: What losing Tasmania as 19th AFL club could mean for Fremantle Dockers
The Snitch is a proud 'yes' man.
I only ever vote yes in referendums despite our country's historical lean to a no.
It's just my positive nature.
Ask Mrs Snitch. I always find it hard to say 'no' to anything my dear lady requests, whether it was the peculiar mix of Penfolds Grange and Devils on Horseback at our wedding reception at El Caballo Blanco, or her insistence we ride to the chapel in a racing green Dymaxion replica.
So I have been flummoxed with with all of this pushback from Tasmanians on having an AFL team.
It's all so negative and small-town minded.
The thought of missing out on a stadium, and therefore a team, because of political squabbling and local myopia, has brought Tasmanian's finest footy players to tears this week.
Why wouldn't you want an AFL team in your State?
Yes, Tassie's greatest tourism asset lies in its diverse landscape and rich history, from Cradle Mountain to Port Arthur, but this would surely ramp it up a notch.
If I am honest, only one good thing will come from a team not landing in Van Diemen's Land and that would be the likelihood Alex Pearce would remain at Fremantle for the duration of his career.
Alex has Palawa heritage and grew up in Ulverstone on Tassie's north coast. He'll be 31 by Tasmania's intended AFL debut in 2028, but would be just the type of experienced and balanced footballer and all-round good chap the Devils would be looking for to lead their inaugural team.
The transformation of the ugly Macquarie Point Sewage Treatment Plant into a boutique stadium worth a few Tassie truffles short of $1 billion has poured new salt on to old north v south wounds in the State.
On Thursday, Tasmania's Liberal Party Premier Jeremy Rockliff lost a vote of no confidence over a looming $1 billion budget deficit and will now call a snap election.
The deficit and now the election mean the AFL team is in doubt given the league has made the new roofed stadium a condition of a 19th licence.
Media giant Eddie McGuire summed it up best when he said: 'What Tasmania doesn't need is every week to have an advertisement that they are a second-rate state. I think Tasmania deserves to be finally seen for the great state that it is.'
He's right. If they want to remain blissfully second rate, then we have to let them. It's their call.
They are busy subversives Tasmanians, just like West Aussies, after all. Remember, Tassie is an actual island. We are like one given our distance from the east.
Which brings me to my favourite Tassie story and a perfect segue out of this misery.
Back in 1982, the Commonwealth Games opened in Brisbane to great fanfare.
Matilda the giant kangaroo was the centrepiece as she circled the QEII Stadium, winked and opened her pouch to enable hundreds of kids to pour out and form a human map of Australia.
The Snitch was one of those kids – with my aptly named best mate Cliff – positioned to form the Nullarbor Plain.
It was all going splendidly until we realised there was a gaping error. We'd left Tasmania off the human map.
I recall talking to the one kid who was solely responsible for that role. He mumbled something about eating too many apples and sprinted to the nearest toilet and, you guessed it, missed the cut when we boarded Matilda.
The outrage was loud from Tasmanians. It was another slap in the face from the mainland.
Realising the gravity of his absence when he emerged from the lav to find we had all left without him, 'Tassie' leapt the fence in a futile effort to address the geographical gaffe, but sadly, we'd already broken away.
A bit like Tassie right now.
Say no to the AFL and you deserve to be permanently cut adrift, leaving you to float south where you will somewhat ironically bump into Macquarie Island before clattering into the frozen pole of Antarctica.
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