‘Stop with the men': Big problem with reaction to Tammy Hembrow's divorce
When Tammy Hembrow announced her divorce, it came with a disclaimer that says everything about the impossible standards to which we hold women.
Ms Hembrow's divorce news, much like The Project being canned, isn't the shock of the century. The writing was on the influencer wall.
Despite only marrying Love Island alum turned podcaster Matt Zukowski in November 2024 in a lavish Byron Bay ceremony, the pair hadn't been seen together in a long time, and Ms Hembrow had been lip-synching to break-up songs online.
Both influencers released separate statements.
Mr Zukowski went with the classic Instagram Story with a black background (because a divorce post does require a respectful colour palette choice), and Ms Hembrow went on TikTok.
The fitness influencer sobbed as she discussed the demise of her marriage and said she was 'humiliated'.
Ms Hembrow tearfully pointed out the obvious that, when she married her husband, she thought it was going to be forever.
'Did I think this was going to happen? No. Did I want this? No. Obviously, when you marry someone, you do it thinking … that it is going to be forever,' she said.
'I blame no one but myself.'
Ms Hembrow came across as heartbroken, but also like a woman who knew she was about to get slammed because her relationship didn't work out.
'Obviously, I get a lot of nasty comments like, 'Oh, another marriage'. This is my first marriage, just FYI,' she said.
'No comment that anyone can say, nothing anyone could say, could make me feel more sh*t than I already do and more humiliated.
'I already think that about myself right now. I don't think those comments are getting to me because I'm already there.'
Ms Hembrow gets particularly scrutinised because she's also a mother and has three children with two different men.
Her son Wolf and daughter Saskia are from her relationship with Reece Hawkins, which ended in 2018.
Then, in 2020, she started dating athlete Matt Poole. They got engaged and had a daughter, Posy, in 2022 but split in the same year.
Ms Hembrow was on the money because, among the supportive comments, there was a slew of backhanded remarks claiming she rushed into the relationship or that they always knew it would end this way.
Some commentators were more direct. Someone said to 'stop with the men', which is a pretty wild thing to say to a woman in her prime.
'I'm sorry, but I am convinced it is you at this point,' another wrote.
In comparison, Mr Zukowski released his own break-up statement. He didn't address any potential backlash, probably because he predicts there will be none.
'It's with a heavy heart I share that Tammy and I have decided to separate. Both of us have struggled with this decision; however, he wrote that we need to do what is right for ourselves and her three children,' he wrote.
The response must have been good because he later posted another Instagram story and thanked fans for their kind messages.
While Ms Hembrow is trying to navigate searing criticism, Mr Zukowski is being met with empathy.
It's a bizarre double standard.
Yes, there's a difference in circumstances - Ms Hembrow is a mother - but otherwise, their relationship histories are similar.
Ms Hembrow has had two serious relationships play out in the public eye and Mr Zukowski dated his Love Island co-star Cartier Surjan and then a woman named Genevieve for over a year and a half.
The key difference is that Ms Hembrow is a woman and, when men date and have relationships or marriages that don't work out, they are seen as players or eligible bachelors, while women are seen as failures.
It is tired rhetoric. Wasn't Taylor Swift trying to shake this off back in 2012? When she dated a couple of men in her twenties, she was seen as desperate and like someone who couldn't keep a man.
Ms Hembrow, through tears, spoke about feeling 'humiliated' when she announced her divorce, and that probably has nothing to do with her marriage ending and far more to do with the mean stuff people say to women when relationships fail.
Somehow, a marriage can fall apart that involves two people, but only the women is left 'humiliated', and how on earth is that fair?
Ms Hembrow doesn't need to stop with the men … we need to stop with the sexism.
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