Kim Woodburn, British TV's no-nonsense ‘Queen of Clean,' dies at 83
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She was 60 years old at the time, and she nailed the audition, which involved scrutinizing a young woman's grimy flat in West London.
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'Well, this is a flaming comic opera, isn't it,' Ms. Woodburn declared in the woman's terrifyingly filthy kitchen, as she recalled in her 2006 memoir, 'Unbeaten: The Story of My Brutal Childhood.' 'You look so clean yourself, and yet you live like this. Talk about fur coat, no knickers!'
Her salty slang was one of the great pleasures of the show, which a Lifetime network executive once described as 'Queer Eye' meets 'Absolutely Fabulous' meets 'The Weakest Link.' The network imported the series to the United States for a few seasons.
Ms. Woodburn, usually clad in a crisp white uniform and rubber gloves trimmed with pink feathers -- one reviewer described her as a cross between Mother Teresa and the British madam Miss Whiplash -- would shame and bully hapless homemakers week after week: 'Don't be a mucky puppy underfoot!' 'Scrub, dear, don't tickle!' 'What in the name of normal is all this?'
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MacKenzie, wearing a white lab coat, played scientist, taking samples from sticky counters, from which she always seemed to discover evidence of E. coli, bubonic plague or toxic mold spores. Maggots were a recurring theme.
Oprah Winfrey devoted an episode of her show to the pair, and they wrote a housekeeping manual -- a bestseller in Britain. Their show ran from 2003 to 2009 (the American version ran from 2004 to 2006) and spawned 'Too Posh to Wash,' a spinoff about personal hygiene. One of its six episodes featured a woman who never laundered her bra.
The co-stars were an irresistible team, though Ms. Woodburn -- 'camp as Christmas,' as The Telegraph described her -- was the standout. After the series ended, she appeared on 'I'm a Celebrity … Get Me Out of Here' (in which celebrities are 'trapped' in a 'jungle'; Ms. Woodburn came in second) and 'Celebrity Come Dine With Me' (celebrities cook each other meals; Ms. Woodburn got squiffy, or pretended to be).
Most notoriously, she was in the cast of 'Celebrity Big Brother,' in which demi-celebrities are confined together in a house and viewers vote on who gets the heave-ho. Ms. Woodburn would regularly spar with her housemates. 'Go away, you adulterer,' she blasted one, Jamie O'Hara, a British footballer, whom she described as a 'chicken-livered bugger.'
When she berated Coleen Nolan, another housemate, calling her 'a two-faced maggot,' security bustled Ms. Woodburn off the show.
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Was it pantomime? Nobody cared. Her behavior and reputation as the rudest woman on television was the stuff ratings are made from, and viewers tuned in by the millions to watch her many dust-ups, which canny television presenters invited her to perform on many more shows.
MacKenzie stayed in television, too, but had a less explosive career.
'R.I.P. Kim,' Anita Singh of The Telegraph wrote this week. 'You were spectacularly rude. And, more often than not, you were right.'
Patricia Mary McKenzie was born March 25, 1942, in Eastney, a district of Portsmouth on the South Coast, to Richard and Mary Patricia (Shaw) McKenzie. Her father served in the Royal Marines.
Her upbringing was horrific. Her parents separated when she was young, and Pat, as she was known, was physically abused by her alcoholic mother and occasionally by her mother's boyfriend. She had stints in foster homes, group homes and a convent.
Blind in one eye, Pat suffered in school, which she left at 15 to go to work, turning over her earnings to her mother. At 16, she left home and worked where she could -- in pubs, hotels and department stores, where she sold cosmetics. In her early 20s, she changed her name to Kim, after actress Kim Novak, and to separate herself from her mother, who also went by Pat.
In her memoir, Ms. Woodburn wrote of delivering a stillborn baby when she was 23 and burying him in a park in Liverpool, where she was living at the time, digging his grave with a wooden spoon. When the book came out, she was questioned by the police for concealing the baby's birth, but she was never charged with a crime.
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Her first marriage, to an abusive, adulterous police officer, ended in divorce in 1975. She married Pete Woodburn, another police officer, in 1979. Kim Woodburn worked as a beautician and then as a social worker caring for girls in juvenile detention centers. After she married Woodburn, the two became live-in housekeepers for wealthy families in the United States, Norway and the United Kingdom. Pete Woodburn survives her.
It was while Kim Woodburn and her husband were working for a Saudi Arabian sheikh at his house in Kent -- a dream job, she said, with the family in residence only six weeks a year -- when she went on the audition that would lead to her TV fame.
The 'Queen of Clean,' as the British tabloids called her, was often called on to provide household tips. One of her top five involved dinner parties. Her advice: 'Don't have one.'
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