The days of English supremacy are went

In a twist of linguistic fate, fluent English speakers everywhere are bracing for the inevitable: the total social collapse of English language prestige. Still considered in some quarters to be the global passport to power, diplomacy and deeply awkward small talk at corporate mixers, English is, we are told by reliable sources, on its way to becoming the linguistic equivalent of wearing socks with sandals - technically functional, but spiritually, aesthetically, civilisationally embarrassing. And the revolution is being ushered in - no, not by those who don't speak English, but - by those who speak English 'badly' (whatever that means).
Even lifelong English language supremacists - to be found in quaint locales like Kolkata rather than anywhere in England - are now finding speaking the language 'humiliating'. People who felt superior just saying 'schedule' with a soft 'sh' now prefer speaking Tamil, or even Mandarin. Once Indian teenagers started calling out grammar snobs on social media, anglophonic teens in England and America retaliated by learning Malayalam, Spanish or Bengali. Interlinear group chats have called out English as 'kind of cringe'. Keeping this galloping trend in mind, we must inform you that any day now - because of the shame in writing this in English - this column will switch to another language.
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