Dear Richard Madeley:‘We're fed up with our son lecturing us about religion'
Dear Richard,
My young son – he's 23 – has become very religious and is starting to make critical comments about my and his mother's lifestyle.
My partner and I have both had to steer a course between the traditional views of our own parents and the prevailing culture of our generation and our respective professions, and we are broadly happy with where we have ended up – but we're finding his lectures a little tedious.
We have attempted to engage him in conversation about this a couple of times but, of course, when one's view is backed up by a sacred text claiming to be the revealed truths of a divine being, there's not much that one can say.
I love this boy with all my heart but I've started to dread his weekend visits home. What can we do to find a middle way?
– N, via email
Dear N,
How unutterably tedious for you both. For all the positives (and comforts) a 'true faith' offers, one of the many accompanying curses of organised religion is the tendency in some adherents to proselytise. To lecture. To finger-wave, moralise and judge. And when it's happening under one's own roof… well, I can only sympathise.
Actually, I can do a bit more than that, N. The fact that you've been driven to write to me reveals just how thin your patience must be wearing. Before it snaps completely, you should move on to the front foot; take the initiative.
Before your darling boy's next visit home, call him. Keep your tone pleasant, friendly, but firm. Explain that you and his mother are looking forward to seeing him again, but that there is a new house rule: no discussions about faith, religion or God.
Say that you both prefer to reflect inwardly on your own belief systems, and choose a meditative approach over explicit discussion or argument.
Make it clear in a relaxed way that this is not up for debate: we are each entitled to our own relationship with God – you to yours; he to his.
Then change the subject. If he tries to return to it, be firm. Say you've made your decision – the new house rule is now in place – so there's simply no more to be said.
I can't guarantee success, N, but it's clear to me you must exercise your parental authority. The Old Testament God has a mantra for that: 'Honour thy father and mother.' I believe the Koran says something similar.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Daily Mail
an hour ago
- Daily Mail
Which sign will get a chance to refresh their relationships?
CANCER 22 June-23 July You don't have to reinvent yourself, but the cosmos is asking you to return to who you truly are. That means letting yourself be both strong and soft at the same time, as you allow for a sacred beginning. This marks an era of empowerment. CALL 0905 789 0404* LEO 24 July-23 Aug You're about regain your voice, as messenger Mercury enters your sign and a New Moon in Cancer aligns you to your innermost truth this week. You are wiser than many people may realise and leading with gentle truth will help you find success. CALL 0905 789 0405* VIRGO 24 Aug-23 Sept You are getting a chance to really understand what is right for you, but that doesn't come through overthinking things. Are you walking with people who see and love the real you? A quiet feeling could shift your perspective in the right way. CALL 0905 789 0406* LIBRA 24 Sept-23 Oct You know the difference between pleasing people and real peace. The New Moon this week is powerful – it is redirecting your future and ensuring you are working for your own best interests. A generous offer lands in your lap. Don't be afraid to take it. CALL 0905 789 0407* SCORPIO 24 Oct-22 Nov What's calling to you from the horizon? The New Moon in Cancer brings a subtle shift in how you view your future. You're allowed to see the potential – and to want more. The cosmos is helping you understand how you can get it. CALL 0905 789 0408* SAGITTARIUS 23 Nov-21 Dec The Cancer New Moon is stirring deeper waters for you. Your emotional life, your intimate bonds and your personal truths are shifting. There is no need to lose faith. Now comes a time to build the future you want, based on what you believe in. CALL 0905 789 0409* CAPRICORN 22 Dec-20 Jan You've done the hard work, but are you letting yourself enjoy the fruits? The New Moon in your opposite sign of Cancer brings a chance to refresh your relationships. There's a softness available now and Jupiter helps you receive more joy than you expect. CALL 0905 789 0410* AQUARIUS 21 Jan-19 Feb There is great satisfaction to be found in finally fixing something that's been off. The New Moon in Cancer opens up space to set yourself a new, healing routine. Don't worry about what makes sense now – just focus on how you really feel. CALL 0905 789 0411* PISCES 20 Feb-20 March Some stories are so good they write themselves. This week finds you living a positive outcome you had only dreamt of previously. The Cancer New Moon lights up your joy and creativity and Jupiter adds abundance to the mix. You are in your element – enjoy it!. CALL 0905 789 0412* ARIES 21 March-20 April Can you balance speaking up with softness? This week's Cancer New Moon helps you see that strength doesn't mean charging ahead. Be wise enough to be gentle. You're reminded of what matters most, especially when it comes to feeling at home. CALL 0905 789 0401* TAURUS 21 April-21 May Feelings are supposed to be felt, not analysed! Opening up doesn't always have to make you feel exposed. This week, honesty could build the exact bridge someone else has been waiting to cross – allow for an important and healing conversation to be held. CALL 0905 789 0402* GEMINI 22 May-21 June Is it worth it? That's a question you might find yourself asking this week, as the New Moon in Cancer highlights your values and money matters. You are now realising that it is less about what's in the bank and more about what's in your heart. CALL 0905 789 0403*
BBC News
an hour ago
- BBC News
Birmingham couple go from retail jobs to fostering in their 30s
Nine years ago, Mike and Andy were working jobs in retail which left them in a "cycle of nothingness".The couple, from Birmingham, wanted to experience family life. They decided to start fostering were 30 and 33 - significantly younger than the UK fostering average of and Mike now foster full-time and have been sharing the rewards and challenges of their role. They are parents to a teenage girl and boy from different families - two of the nearly 12,000 children in care in the West Midlands as of January 2024. Mike said they had helped the children form a strong sibling bond."The dynamic between the two of them is brilliant," he said."They're just like siblings – they'll argue, call each other names, and then, the next minute, they're holding hands around the shopping centre." Andy and Mike believe their role is to help foster children overcome "unimaginable circumstances".Before she moved in, their foster daughter had seven homes in 12 has now been with Andy and Mike for five years, and will stay until she is at least 18. She was a bridesmaid at their said fostering without any preconceived parenting ideas had made the experience enjoyable."Some parents can find it challenging because foster children have had very different early experiences to their own children, and they have to learn to navigate trauma and complex emotions," he said. 'They bring joy to our lives' The couple said they believed there were myths over fostering which deterred young people from inquiring about it."Fostering is a way of life, and we see these children as our own, but it's important other people know that you are financially supported when you foster," said Andy."We do a lot of training, learning, and admin while caring for the children around the clock. "You can also still go to work and foster at the same time, and you can foster if you happen to rent your home."Mike added: "We see the admin side of things, like the training and daily logs as work, but the rest of the time, they're just our children."Sometimes it's really hard, but you don't give up on your own children."They're part of our family and our life now, they bring so much joy and energy to our lives." Children in care by area Birmingham and Black Country: 4,808Coventry: 724Herefordshire: 412Shropshire and Telford & Wrekin: 1,109Staffordshire and Stoke-on-Trent: 2,491Warwickshire: 778Wolverhampton: 501Worcestershire: 1,000 Follow BBC Birmingham on BBC Sounds, Facebook, X and Instagram.
BBC News
2 hours ago
- BBC News
WW2 shooting of black US soldier in Lancashire taught in school
The fatal shooting of a black US soldier when trouble escalated between US troops stationed in Lancashire during World War Two has become a "cornerstone" lesson to local primary school William Crossland was shot dead on 24 June 1943 during racial violence between US troops stationed in Bamber Bridge, story of troops on the same side fighting a gun battle on the street is known as the Battle of Bamber Bridge and is now being taught at Clayton Brook Primary School."It's messages are still relevant today," head teacher Paul Farina said. Trouble had begun when white US military police officers tried to arrest a black soldier, Pte Eugene Nunn, in Ye Olde Hob Inn for wearing the wrong had sided with the soldier and his group, saying they had done nothing wrong, they were welcome in the pub, and they did not approve of racial segregation at the base. Events then escalated into a gun battle on the street and also back at the fight resulted in several injuries on both sides and the death of Pte Crossland. Mr Farina said after learning about the story, he contacted Clinton Smith of Preston Black History Group "and that's where the ball started rolling"."We now teach it to all of our children, it's one of the cornerstones of what we teach at Clayton Brook," he said. Mr Smith said: "I think the world's full of bad news and here's a story about solidarity."The US military had tried to enforce their segregation rules in the UK but he said the stance the people of Bamber Bridge took against it "was remarkable"."Bearing in mind this was a small, northern village and, as far as we can work out, it was a spontaneous act," he said."I didn't like going to school, but now I turn up with a smile on my face and excitement coursing through my veins," he said."What's really rewarding about it is the interaction with the youngsters and the knowledge that they have that's feeding back to me. "The reception I get is the encouragement I use to carry on doing it." Listen to the best of BBC Radio Lancashire on BBC Sounds and follow BBC Lancashire on Facebook, X and Instagram and watch BBC North West Tonight on BBC iPlayer.
