Annie Mac: ‘I still struggle sometimes, being the centre of attention'
Few people are as synonymous with dance music as Annie Mac. The Dublin-born DJ spent 17 years on the airwaves at BBC Radio 1 and this month returns once again to perform at Glastonbury Festival.
But that doesn't mean she's immune to insecurity during big gigs. 'You go through so much in your head when you DJ,' says the 46-year-old.
'Depending on your state of mind, you can really go through different journeys in there — self-doubt, self-flagellation, a sense of overthinking everything. And just being very aware of your own thoughts because you're alone in your head surrounded by thousands of people.'
When Annie Macmanus entered the scene, the DJ landscape was quite different. 'DJing has changed quite dramatically since the noughties, when superstar DJs came in and DJs suddenly became rock stars,' says the mum of two, who is married to fellow DJ Toddla T.
'When you're standing on a stage and you have 3,000 people watching you essentially press buttons, there's a sense of expectation there that I don't always feel I can fulfil in terms of me as a performer.
'I always kind of struggled, and still struggle sometimes, with that aspect of being the centre of attention for thousands of people when, essentially, I'm just on the decks.'
In her mid-30s, Macmanus stopped drinking when DJing and it's had a profound effect. 'You really hear your own thoughts very loudly,' she says. Compared to when she was still drinking during sets, 'in that way that drink does, [you're] completely uninhibited'.
'I was way more of a performer when I drank, way more loose physically, I would throw myself into the crowd regularly, I loved to crowd surf. I would get on the microphone more. Whereas now, I really try and let the music do the talking as much as possible. I still get on the mic now and again, I do feel like my sets are better now. They're more considered.'
It's been one of many changes made on her wellness journey of recent years. 'I think my lifestyle as a whole took its toll on my wellbeing. Ironically, that wasn't really in my 20s as much as it was in my 30s, after I had kids. I was determined to crack on and be busier than ever.
'There was a period, you don't realise it at the time, but between 38 and 40ish, I was just spent, really, really tired and really burnt out.
'I had a lot of work going on, and a lot of pressure within that work to succeed and then alongside that, running a household and trying to bring up kids.
'My time at Radio 1 was really fast and furious and so intense in a way that I still haven't begun to process.'
Macmanus left the station in 2021, launched a podcast, Changes, and has authored two books, while still DJing at clubs and festivals. But the shift in career allowed her to focus on her family, and herself.
'I was very lucky in my position that I could make the decision to leave Radio 1 when I did and pursue a different career that could fit into a smaller group of hours that I could dictate. [There's] that psychological difference of being able to make work choices for yourself as opposed to having a boss,' says the DJ, whose shows included Future Sounds, Switch, and Radio 1's Dance Party with Annie Mac.
'You get caught in the rat race, you go along with the industry standard of 'in order to succeed you must get bigger, you must sell more tickets, you must have more listeners'.
'Ducking out of that has also been huge and I realised I can succeed on my own terms, and I can redefine what success is to me. It's not so much about sales and views and how much I'm exposed to the world, how many people are seeing what I do — it's way more about how I feel in my head, and how I serve my family, my friends, my community, and how wide-reaching my interests are.'
Annie Mac: "You get caught in the rat race, you go along with the industry standard of 'in order to succeed you must get bigger, you must sell more tickets, you must have more listeners'."
Since leaving radio, her 'life has changed so dramatically', she says. 'The last four years have been a real opening up. I've stopped exposing myself so much in a public way, I've kind of come into myself.'
Fitness has played an important part in her lifestyle shift too, having found football in her 40s ('I'm obsessed,' she says), and she now plays in a competitive league.
'What I realised upon taking up football is that I had internalised ageism, where I didn't believe I would be able to play with a competitive league team at the age of 46, and my body has proven me wrong. That's been so cool because I've had to switch the voices off in my head and just let my body do the work. And I've never felt so grateful to be able-bodied and to be able to play like this.'
She teams it with home Peloton workouts and is 'mad into weight training'.
Plus, 'since really hitting the perimenopausal era, I've started to take supplements, I take multivitamins for over 45-year-old women. I always take magnesium at night, I think that's had quite a profound effect on my life because it's changed my sleeping entirely.'
Macmanus says she's 'way more conscious' of how she needs to exercise for her mental wellbeing, as well as physical.
'There's a real revelation that happens to you when you start changing your outlook on exercise. For me, it was quite late in life. I'd always exercised to be thin and lose weight, and when you start to gain muscle and you start to feel strong, and you start getting to an age where you really notice how being strong changes your everyday, it's quite huge. I love that feeling of being able and being capable of doing things. I would really like to be weight training when I'm in my 70s.'
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