My husband has been sleeping with two women from church – and one is now pregnant… I feel completely humiliated
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window)
Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window)
DEAR DEIDRE: CHURCH was meant to be my safe space, but instead, it's where I uncovered my husband's string of affairs.
I'm 43, he's 45, and we've been together for 15 years. We have two children.
Sign up for Scottish Sun
newsletter
Sign up
For our entire marriage, he has worn the mask of a good, supportive, trustworthy family man.
He has always been active in our church, and I've never doubted him, even when he grew close to a few women in the congregation. I assumed it was all innocent.
That was until a few months ago when the whispers began.
At first I tried to ignore them, thinking it was classic church drama.
But the truth came crashing down on me when a close friend pulled me aside and told me he had been sleeping with two of these women — and now one of them is pregnant with his child.
I was completely blindsided. Everyone knew before I did, and I felt completely humiliated.
My heart is broken, and I can't stop thinking back over the years, wondering how I could have missed the signs. I feel completely lost.
I still love him, and he has begged and begged me for forgiveness, but I feel betrayed beyond words.
Our marriage was built on faith and trust, and now I feel an utter fool.
Perhaps I could have moved on from an affair, but now he's having a child with another woman, it's inescapable. How can we ever recover from this?
Dear Deidre After Dark- Understanding open relationships
DEIDRE SAYS: I can only imagine how devastated you must feel. Not only has your husband betrayed your trust, but he has also fathered a child with another woman.
That adds an incredibly painful and permanent layer to an already heartbreaking situation.
It's understandable that you are feeling humiliated, as this played out in a close-knit church community.
Please don't let the shame that belongs to him fall on you.
Take time to think about what you want and consider what is best for you.
This situation now involves lifelong consequences, and you need to figure out if forgiveness is possible for you.
Counselling – individually or with your husband – can help you navigate these emotions and work through your next steps. Arrange this through Tavistock Relationships (020 7380 1960, tavistockrelationships.org).
My support pack, Cheating – Can You Get Over It?, will also help.
Get in touch with Deidre
Every problem gets a personal reply, usually within 24 hours weekdays.
Send an email to deardeidre@the-sun.co.uk
You can also send a private message on the DearDeidreOfficial Facebook page.
HIS CONSTANT DEMANDS IN BEDROOM PUT ME ON EDGE
DEAR DEIDRE: I AM at a crossroads in my relationship and don't know whether to stay or go.
My boyfriend constantly complains that I don't see him enough, but I have two children and work full-time as a nurse.
He is 39, I'm 37, and we have been together for two years.
When I do make time for him, he always pesters me for sex. It's making me uncomfortable and drained.
I've told him I find his constant need for sex overwhelming, and instead of taking it on board, he turned to watching porn.
Since the beginning of our relationship I've made my feelings and boundaries about porn clear, but finding it on his search history has confirmed how little he seems to respect my feelings.
DEIDRE SAYS: You're doing your best to balance a tough job and raise two children, so the last thing you need is a partner who makes you feel uncomfortable or guilty.
Your boyfriend's constant demands for sex and disregard for your boundaries around porn are red flags. A healthy relationship is built on mutual respect, not pressure or emotional manipulation.
It sounds like his sex drive is higher than yours but if you can't communicate and find a compromise as a couple, you have bigger decisions to make.
Tell him how his behaviour affects you. If he can't respect your boundaries or empathise with your situation, you may need to consider walking away.
MY SILLY DECISION RUINED ROMANCE
DEAR DEIDRE: HAVING made a huge mistake, I'm terrified I've lost my boyfriend for good.
I am 25, he's 26 and we've been together for two years.
A few weeks ago, a guy I met at work asked me out on a date. In the heat of the moment, I stupidly agreed to go.
While I didn't actually go through with it, my boyfriend found out, and it shattered his trust.
Understandably, he was hurt and angry.
While I begged for forgiveness, he has completely retreated and been totally silent.
It's been three weeks with no contact and no clarity.
I feel like I'm stuck in limbo, and I miss him so much.
How do I fix this and rebuild his trust?
I want to make things right, but I'm not sure how to help him heal.
DEIDRE SAYS: You have acknowledged your mistake, and that's the most important step. However, your boyfriend needs time to process his emotions and decide if he is willing to move forward.
Right now, your best approach is to give him space and let him know you are there when he's ready to talk, but avoid bombarding him with messages.
Relationships take time to heal, and patience is key.
If he decides to work through things, my support pack, Looking After Your Relationship, will help you get back on track.
But if he decides to walk away, my support pack, Moving On, will help you heal and let go.
SEX GONE FROM CHORE TO NEVER
ALTHOUGH I love my wife, the lack of affection in our marriage makes me feel invisible and neglected.
I'm 59, she's 55 and we have been married for 25 years. We have a good relationship overall.
We share hobbies, enjoy travelling and often spend time doing things together, like hiking, cooking and watching films. However, when it comes to intimacy, I feel like I'm living with a friend.
When we first met, she wasn't too fond of any physical affection but used to make an effort. These days there's no hugging, cuddling or kissing, and even holding hands only happens if I press for it.
Our sex life became a once-a-month chore, rushed and devoid of any passion. There was never any affection before or after, and she always insisted on rushing through without any foreplay.
Now, in the last few months, she has refused sex altogether. While I love her deeply, I feel so disconnected and alone. I've always hoped things would change, but now I'm worried I have committed myself to a life of celibacy and no affection.
Where do I go from here?
DEIDRE SAYS: Affection and intimacy are vital parts of any healthy relationship, so it's natural that you are feeling hurt and rejected.
All this time you have been patient, but it's clear your needs are not being met and something needs to change.
Have an honest conversation with your wife about how this is affecting you. Try not to blame her, but explain how her lack of intimacy is getting you down.
While you can't force her to give you more affection, you can be honest about what you need in your relationship to feel fulfilled.
If she is unwilling or unable to meet you halfway, couples counselling will help. See relate.org.uk.
Try Our AI Features
Explore what Daily8 AI can do for you:
Comments
No comments yet...
Related Articles
Scottish Sun
13 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
Major search for missing aircraft that sent panicked mayday call before vanishing near UK beach as helicopter deployed
It is not known how many people were on the aircraft CRASH FEARS Major search for missing aircraft that sent panicked mayday call before vanishing near UK beach as helicopter deployed Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) A FRANTIC search has been launched to find an aircraft after crew activated a mayday beacon before vanishing. The distress signal went off close to Hemsby Gap shoreline, in Great Yarmouth, Norfolk, this afternoon. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up Humber Coastguard confirmed the alarm was raised at around 12.34pm. The aircraft had been spotted above the sea on FlightRadar24, but has since disappeared and is feared to have crashed. There are four Hembsy Lifeboats at the scene at present, with officials saying the search could continue for " a while". A helicopter is also involved in the frantic rescue operation. Norfolk Constabulary and ambulance services arrived at the scene at just before 4pm. It is not known how many people were on the aircraft, nor any details of the plane itself. A spokeswoman for Hemsby Lifeboat helm, said: 'We are still doing a search of the area, a boxed search. 'The last known location is two to three nautical miles offfshore at Hemsby Gap.' It is still unknown if there have been any fatalities or injuries.
Scottish Sun
14 hours ago
- Scottish Sun
I can't believe where my entitled neighbours have put their kid's paddling pool – I can barely get into my house
Despite having their own garden the neighbours had found a inconvenient spot for the pool MAKING A SPLASH I can't believe where my entitled neighbours have put their kid's paddling pool – I can barely get into my house Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) WITH the nation basking in sky high temperatures this weekend many of us will have pulled our paddling pools out of storage. But one man has revealed that his neighbour's paddling pool has caused him nothing but trouble after they set it up on his driveway. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up 1 A man was shocked to find his neighbour's paddling pool in his front garden Credit: Reddit Taking to Reddit the man wrote: 'My duplex neighbor thinks my driveway is his kiddy pool spot…' He then shared a snap of the red strawberry printed inflatable pool placed directly next to his car. He went on to add: 'I think all logic has gone out the window with these people. They have a backyard they could use for a kiddy pool. 'There is most definitely a hose in the backyard. 'I wouldn't of even cared if the pool was under the car port up towards the wall. 'The fact I had to walk around a pool and crack my car door and squeeze in is what p***ed me off the most.' Fellow Redditors were equally outraged, with several coming forward with suggestions on how he could get his own back. One wrote: 'All of it goes to the dump. Be the bigger neighbor from hell.' 'Poke a hole in it poke a hole in it poke a hole in it poke a hole in it,' suggested another cheeky user. A third added: 'Park on it, it won't damage your car and I think they won't do it again.' Kate Lawler locked in bitter row with neighbour after controversial move - whose side are YOU on- Sharing an update, the homeowner revealed that he had managed to negotiate the pool's removal. He wrote: 'The pool was moved out of my driveway and the bed frame was taken down to the street finally. 'That's all I wanted, if I see them I'll tell them thank you and move on.'
Scottish Sun
a day ago
- Scottish Sun
Huge blaze engulfs warehouse with smoke visible for miles as urgent warning issued to locals & firefighters battle fire
Click to share on X/Twitter (Opens in new window) Click to share on Facebook (Opens in new window) AN ENORMOUS fire has engulfed a warehouse sending smoke billowing into the sky tonight. The London Fire Brigade (LFB) has issued urgent warnings to locals to keep their windows and doors shut as around 80 firefighters tackle the devastating blaze at the two-storey warehouse in Enfield, north London. Sign up for Scottish Sun newsletter Sign up 6 An enormous blaze as engulfed a two-storey warehouse in Enfield, north London Credit: Thomas Bowles 6 The fire is sending thick smoke - visible from miles away - high into the sky Credit: Thomas Bowles 6 At present, around 80 firefighters and 12 fire engines are tackling the inferno Credit: Thomas Bowles Residents have even reported seeing smoke rising high into the night sky from miles away. At present, 12 fire engines are fighting the blaze which is "currently producing a greater amount of smoke", LFB said. The emergency service added that it expects its crews to be at the scene for several hours. Dramatic footage shows a number of fire engines surrounding the warehouse as smoke billows high above into the night sky. Read More on UK News TRAIN PAIN Moment fare dodger tells rail ticket inspectors 'don't touch me' in tense clash In the background, ambulances can also be seen parked nearby - it is currently not known if there have been any injuries from the blaze. The fire can also be seen slowly creeping its way through the roof of the structure - which appears to have caved in - sending even more smoke high above the warehouse. Surrounding the burning structure are a number of other buildings, including one bearing branding from supermarket Tesco while another appears to belong to delivery company Yodel. Cars can also be seen driving along the M25 motorway just metres away from the blaze. Countless locals have taken to social media to share pictures of the fire, with some images showing the inferno sending smoke upwards in large dark plumes. LFB said its crews received the first of around 30 calls at approximately 8.05pm on Saturday evening. A massive fire has broken out in a skyscraper in Dubai Fire crews were then deployed from a number of stations across London in order to tackle the inferno, including from Enfield, Edmonton, Chingford and Woodford, the force said. It added that its crews are being assisted by Hertfordshire Fire & Rescue Service and Essex County Fire & Rescue Service. Two 32-metre turntable ladders from Tottenham and Soho fire stations have also been utilised, LFB added. They are being "used as a water tower to help extinguish the fire from above". 6 One nearby resident posted an image showing the sheer scale of the flames during the blaze Credit: X 6 The London Fire Brigade says it expects to be at the scene for several hours Credit: X 6 Thick smoke making its way out of the burning warehouse Credit: X LFB said it has also deployed a "Hose Layer Unit" as part of its response, helping to increase the amount of water available for firefighting operations. In a statement on Saturday evening, LFB confirmed that the cause of the devastating blaze was not yet known. Mollison Avenue, the road leading to the warehouses, has been shut, with diversion routes now in place. In an update posted shortly after midnight, Enfield Council said the fire was now "contained".
