How Gen Z's matcha obsession is causing a crippling global shortage
Boomer: Fancy a cuppa?
Gen Z: I'd love one. My matcha powder's on the counter.
Disgusting. It looks like something you'd put in a dodgy cigarette.
'There's a raft of supposed health benefits,' according to your Boomer bible The Telegraph. 'Everything from stronger bones and improved memory to defence against cancer.'
Live to 100 but the trade-off is swapping my beloved Yorkshire Tea for milky pond water? No thanks.
It's actually a very specific form of leaf tea, grown in the shade in Japan, steamed and dried without being rolled, and then ground to a powder – £16.49 from Holland & Barrett.
I bet the farmers whisper affirmations at the leaves while they grind them.
Don't be ridiculous. The best is ground by hand and as it takes an hour to prepare just 30g of the stuff, there's not much time for blessing it.
All that for tea that tastes like the contents of your shoe after a rainy walk. When I tried it, it was like chewing wet hay.
You're in the minority. Demand is so great that The Japan Times warns of a global matcha shortage – despite farmers more than tripling their output since 2010.
You won't catch my tea causing a geopolitical incident. Not unless Peta takes issue with those old PG Tips chimps.
Animal exploitation and fusty breakfast tea? That's seriously cursed vibes. Didn't you see the survey showing only a quarter of 20-somethings ever drink a normal tea?
What do you suggest? That me and the UK's other 51 million tea drinkers switch to what one Times reader rightly labelled 'boiled grass water'?
It's an acquired taste, but celebs love it.
Dua Lipa has more pics on Instagram with her iced matcha than with her boyfriend.
It's an aesthetic.
I can get the same 'aesthetic' with a blender and tin of mushy peas. It'll probably taste better, too.
You need to try Blank Street's £3.90 matcha. The US-founded chain is so popular that TikTokers travel from Newcastle to its 35 London stores. One of its bestsellers is the white chocolate matcha latte with oat milk, chocolate syrup, vanilla extract and matcha.
Bubble tea. The Taiwanese drink has garnered 4.5 billion views on TikTok and there are more than 400 cafés in the UK.
I don't want bubbles in my tea, thanks.
They're not bubbles, they're chewy tapioca balls, duh. And it's made with oolong tea, which cuts the risk of heart disease and strokes.
Chewy balls in oolong tea? Sounds like when they have to pop the fish eyes on I'm a Celebrity…
Wrong. The UK's biggest chain, Bubbleology, sells tasty flavours like Strawberries and Cream for £5.79. And it's pink! So Instagrammable.
Drinking battery acid laced with chewy balls in the name of healthy living. What happened to builder's tea and cake?
I didn't even know how to make a normal tea until I saw influencer Jessica Cuspinera's TikTok tutorial (230,000 views and counting).
Where can you go wrong with making tea? It's sticking a bag in a mug, not bomb disposal.
One viewer wrote, 'How much time, exactly, should the tea bag be in the hot water?'
Easy! Steep the tea for exactly five minutes in boiled water, remove and add a splash of milk, as per the late Queen's butler.
Another Gen Z-er thought you put the tea bag in cold water then heated it all in the microwave.
Save me! So much for youngsters finding a junior job, making good tea and working their way up.
Asking an intern to fetch your tea – that's definitely reinforcing outdated work hierarchies. I'd call HR.
You're not a matcha?
Chai a bit harder.
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