I felt guilty for snooping on my man's phone until I found his brags about romp with ‘sexy MILF' – her age stunned me
Alanah didn't find any messages from another woman on her boyfriend's phone, but then spotted another text thread
HIDDEN TEXTS I felt guilty for snooping on my man's phone until I found his brags about romp with 'sexy MILF' – her age stunned me
REACHING for her partner's phone Alanah Kemp scolded herself.
'It's pitch black outside, I should be asleep,' thought the 20-year-old, as she went to the WhatsApp app.
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Alanah Kemp discovered her boyfriend Jay had a six-month affair with an older woman
Credit: Supplied
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Alanah discovered a message strand about a 'MILF'
Credit: Supplied
'I won't find anything. And this is snooping.'
Still, while boyfriend Jay Stevenson slept soundly beside her, she couldn't help but look. A few days earlier, as they'd settled down to watch a film, a message from a woman called Jacqui* had pinged up.
Office worker Jay, also 20, had quickly put his phone away but it had planted seeds of doubt in Alanah's mind.
So, at 2am, she opened his phone. There were no messages from Jacqui. 'I was so relieved,' she says.
'I felt silly for doubting him and guilty for snooping. But just to be sure I went to the message strand he shared with his best friend.'
'It was just usual boy stuff,' she says. 'Football chat and plans to meet at the pub. I felt so much better."
But then, just as she was putting his phone back on his nightstand, she saw evidence which, to this day, makes the mum-of-one sick to her stomach.
'Jay was bragging about sleeping with another woman,' she says. 'He said she 'wasn't even that fit' and was 37.
'That was nearly double my age. He was having sex with someone who could've been his mum.
'His friend asked 'don't you feel guilty about Alanah?' and he said: 'No, I like having sex with the MILF more'.
Spotting the signs your partner is cheating
'It broke my heart.'
Full-time mum Alanah, 20, met Jay after he added her on Snapchat in autumn 2021. 'I didn't know Jay, but I was curious, so I accepted his friend request,' she says.
And as I swiped through his profile, I was glad I did. He was really handsome and I loved his sexy stubble.
'A few months later, he contacted me, writing 'I know you don't know me, but you look lovely. I wanted to say hi.'
'I thought it was really forward, but I did also think he was so good-looking, so I nervously wrote back, 'You're not so bad yourself!'
'After that initial exchange, things became easier and we spent the entire night talking via Snapchat before moving to video call. We discussed random things including movies and our favourite video game.
"I found out he'd discovered me randomly via a location algorithm. When I found out he lived with his parents on the other side of Glasgow I didn't hesitate to accept after he suggested we meet in person.'
The pair met for a walk and their spark via messaging translated into real-life chemistry.
Jay was bragging about sleeping with another woman
Alanah Kemp
'I felt so comfortable with him,' she says.
'I didn't think it was weird we'd met via Snapchat. It's no different to connecting with someone via Hinge or Bumble, and my friends all felt the same.
'As soon as I saw him I thought 'wow he's good-looking.' He was charming and confident but as we chatted more I could see, while he was charismatic, he also had a softer, gentler side.'
On New Year's Eve 2022 he asked me to become his girlfriend and I immediately said yes. The icing on the cake was when I found out I was pregnant.
Our daughter arrived on Boxing Day 2023, weighing 6lb 9oz, and she was wonderful.
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The couple are now as happy as ever but Alanah says it wasn't easy to rebuild the trust
Credit: Supplied
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The pair met after he added her on Snapchat and have been inseparable since
Credit: Supplied
'He was a great dad and it felt perfect,' she says.
'We were virtually inseparable and would love going to the cinema and out for meals. I lived with my parents too but in August 2024 we moved in together with my mum.'
He was having sex with someone who could've been his mum
Alanah Kemp
Alanah says Jay was 'really excited.' 'He would say 'I can't wait to wake up to you every morning.'' she says.
'I would joke back, ''More like you want me to do your washing.' But the truth was I was really happy. We would watch films and telly every night. For a year it was brilliant - me, Jay and our little girl.'
'She's just a friend'
In early 2024, they were about to watch a film, snuggled on the sofa, when his phone pinged and a WhatsApp from Jacqui came up.
'I didn't recognise the name,' she says.
'It felt like the name of an older woman and it certainly wasn't anyone I knew.
"I asked him about it and he fobbed me off quickly, saying 'just a friend' before putting his phone away.
'I didn't push it as I chatted to my friends all the time but I was a bit confused. Jay had never mentioned a new friend called Jacqui before and I thought I saw 'can't wait to see you' in her message.
'I only got a momentary glance at his phone though and I tried to tell myself I was being silly and put it behind me. But I hadn't been wholly convinced by Jay's response and it nagged at me.'
It was just a few nights later she decided to snoop, unable to put her doubts behind her and not fully trusting Jay's denials. It was there she discovered the truth.
'Seeing the thread with his best friend made me feel sick,' she says.
'But I was desperate not to wake Jay so I put my hand over my mouth because I thought I was going to scream. Still I had so many questions whirring around my head. Mainly, I wanted to know if he had been cheating the entire time.'
Still, she opted not to tell him what she'd seen - instead getting ready for work at a local football stadium as normal and carrying on with her day as he woke in the morning.
But once there, she couldn't resist confronting him, WhatsApping: 'We need to talk… I know all about Jacqui. What are you playing at?'
He responded immediately and they planned to discuss it as soon as she got home, leaving her fretful the entire day. 'It was horrible,' she says.
As she arrived home at 3pm, Jay admitted everything. 'He told me: 'I'm sorry. I cheated, but I'm sorry. Forgive me',' she says.
'He was clearly upset - but so was I and I wanted answers. I listened in stunned horror as Jay explained he'd met her on a night out in a pub with his workmates. After chatting with her, he'd gone back to her house for sex.
Jay confessed that he'd gone on to have a six-month affair with the 'filthy MILF' as he and his pals called her. I was horrified
Alanah Kemp
'Joining up the dots in my head, I realised that I'd stayed at Jay's house that night, sleeping in his bed as I waited for him to come home.
'When he'd rolled in the next day, he told me he'd slept on his mate's floor.
'Then Jay confessed that he'd gone on to have a six-month affair with the 'filthy MILF' as he and his pals called her. I was horrified.'
She says she was desperate to leave and 'couldn't stand the sight of him' but he begged her to stay and in the end she gave in.
'But I knew in the morning I would leave,' she says.
Four red flags your partner is cheating
Private Investigator Aaron Bond from BondRees revealed four warning signs your partner might be cheating.
They start to take their phone everywhere with them
In close relationships, it's normal to know each other's passwords and use each other's phones, if their phone habits change then they may be hiding something.
Aaron says: "If your partner starts changing their passwords, starts taking their phone everywhere with them, even around the house or they become defensive when you ask to use their phone it could be a sign of them not being faithful."
"You should also look at how they place their phone down when not in use. If they face the phone with the screen facing down, then they could be hiding something."
They start telling you less about their day
When partners cheat they can start to avoid you, this could be down to them feeling guilty or because it makes it easier for them to lie to you.
"If you feel like your partner has suddenly begun to avoid you and they don't want to do things with you any more or they stop telling you about their day then this is another red flag."
"Partners often avoid their spouses or tell them less about their day because cheating can be tough, remembering all of your lies is impossible and it's an easy way to get caught out," says Aaron.
Their libido changes
Your partner's libido can change for a range of reasons so it may not be a sure sign of cheating but it can be a red flag according to Aaron.
Aaron says: "Cheaters often have less sex at home because they are cheating, but on occasions, they may also have more sex at home, this is because they feel guilty and use this increase in sex to hide their cheating. You may also find that your partner will start to introduce new things into your sex life that weren't there before."
They become negative towards you
Cheaters know that cheating is wrong and to them, it will feel good, this can cause tension and anxiety within themselves which they will need to justify.
"To get rid of the tension they feel inside they will try to convince themselves that you are the problem and they will become critical of you out of nowhere. Maybe you haven't walked the dog that day, put the dishes away or read a book to your children before bedtime. A small problem like this can now feel like a big deal and if you experience this your partner could be cheating," warns Aaron.
'I couldn't move past it. But after I'd drifted off to sleep, Jay woke me in the middle of the night, crying. I'd never seen him cry before and a whole new vulnerable side of him emerged.
'He was genuinely devastated at the thought of losing me and although I was heartbroken, it was then that I began to believe that we could get through this.'
Now the couple are as happy as ever, but Alanah says it wasn't easy to rebuild the trust.
'Over time I started to forgive him,' she says.
'Sometimes I'm still anxious but he knows what our little family is worth.
'We're on Life360, a tracker app, so I know where he is at all points. He also phones when he's on a night out - not that he has many.
'It hasn't been easy to rebuild the trust between us since then, but Jay has worked really hard at it and he's definitely worth it.'
Jay says: 'Yep, yes (I cheated on Alanah with a MILF). Yep (the story is accurate as described to him). No, not really (I don't want to add anything).'
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