Nigel leans Left and hits the bullseye

Nigel Farage is finally a contender. How do I know? The press is playing nice.
Could you be prime minister, asked a newspaper? 'History suggests no,' he replied, ' circumstances suggest yes.'
The optics say: happy days are here again!
Nigel has a quarter of a million members; he's on 30 per cent plus in the polls. He was flanked at this swanky press conference by two new mayors, Andrea Jenkyns in a psychedelic dress and Luke Campbell, a boxer, who looked ready to thump anyone who mentioned Rupert Lowe.
He's the kind of old fashioned British stud one rarely sees in this effeminate age of yoga and Tai chi. The only whiff of the orient on that stage was Hai Karate.
So Nigel, standing between a frock and a hard case, launched into an act worthy of the late Jim Bowen.
'Rachel from accounts' is now 'Rachel from complaints'. Ed Miliband is 'away with the fairies'. Robert Jenrick: he's lost weight, got a new suit, 'perhaps he's even had his teeth done'. As for the PM, 'I hold no personal malice' for a man who is 'dismal, uninspiring, disconnected, unpatriotic' and 'pointless' (and apart from that, a wonderful human being).
Keir's 'veering off, Left and Right', which is ironic given Reform is now accused of doing the same.
Keir used to be a Corbynite; Nigel used to be a Thatcherite. Today he told us he'd lift the two child benefit cap and return the winter fuel allowance, prompting accusations of inconsistency from online intellectuals with a 2:1 in politics (worth every penny).
But, said Nigel, 'there is absolutely no contradiction' between being the party 'of workers and entrepreneurs' – and you know what? He's right. OK, so his numbers don't completely add up. Neither do the Treasury's; neither do mine (every time I put on a light, that's one less child I can put through college).
What he's realised is that with faith in the state gone and hope for the future lost, politics is no longer Right vs Left but plebs vs patricians, and you've got to identify yourself with the larger half.
Kemi fiddles while Rome burns
Kemi chose to go quiet; wait for the economy to collapse and voters to dribble back. But all the while she is fiddling with policy groups, Nigel is out there, setting fire to Rome – and it's working.
Starmer has challenged Nigel to a debate: Nigel accepts! He suggests they meet in 'a working man's club' over a 'few beers with the lads'. Assuming Reform sets the rules – likely given Keir's skills at negotiation – the debate will climax in a game of darts. First prize: the keys to No10 and a Bullseye speed boat moored on the pavement.
There's so much to laugh at, what's to hate? A journalist meekly asked if it's true that Reform ran an advert accusing Anas Sarwar, Labour leader in Scotland, of saying he would 'prioritise the Pakistani community'.
Nigel gleefully rolled the ad to prove critics wrong – but it showed Sarwar saying nothing of the sort, confirming that his words had been distorted. In the street outside, dogs heard a whistle and began barking. Inside, the hacks politely let the subject go. I guess it's a bit 2010s to bang on about racism.

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