The English conundrum
'Good morning.'
No response.
The teacher in me was piqued.
When will they learn the English etiquette? 'Good morning' is a simple greeting. But 'goodnight' is not so simple. It cannot be used just because it is night time, but only when parting at night or before going to sleep. I have taught English for several years, not just the language and its literature, but also its ethos and etiquette. I admit English is a complicated language, what with its irrational spelling, its idiosyncratic accent, its homophones and homonyms and more.
No wonder, Bertrand Russell famously said that 'fish' can be written as 'ghoti' and still pronounced 'fish'! (For 'gh' in words like rough and laugh has the sound of 'f' ; the 'o' in women has the sound of 'i', and the 'ti' in nation and ration has the sound of 'sh'.)
When it comes to the English accent, it is even more confusing. For example, the first syllable is accented in 'photograph', the second syllable in 'photographer', and the third in 'photographic'. Aiyyo! (the latest COD has included the word). Confusion confounded. Then there are the homophones, words that have different meanings and spellings, but have the same sound. A lady who had no children went to a doctor about an imaginary ailment. After the examination the doctor said, 'Ma'am, what you need is just sun and air.' The lady replied, 'Unfortunately I don't have both. 'She meant 'son' and 'heir''.
Homonyms are words spelt and pronounced alike, but mean different things according to the context in which they are used — for instance, words such as 'bill', 'bowl', and 'hand'.
People of different races and regions have different accents when they speak English. Donald Trump's nasal twang has reverberated throughout the world causing a market meltdown. Shashi Tharoor's clipped British accent has baffled even the native speakers, not to mention his sophisticated use of vocabulary. Even he is flummoxed by Gen Z's vocabulary that includes 'fomo' or 'ootd' (fear of missing out and outfit of the day). Mr. Tharoor says that the British have not only looted our country's wealth but also have looted from our language. Many of the English words like catamaran, bungalow, and bandana are derivatives from Indian languages.
English literature is what I enjoy best. As a 17 year old, I used to be lost in wonder as Professor Rao quoted with ease the lines from Macbeth. He used to strut across the classroom keeping me spellbound by the magic of Shakespeare's iambic pentameter. His kinesthetic style of teaching was copied by me later. For greater effect, I would put on and take off my reading glasses attached to a chain around my neck, at frequent intervals.
The great litterateur and poet Aiyyappa Paniker taught me the different English meters. He was a young professor at that time and initiated me to poetic appreciation. I danced with the daffodils and flew with the west wind. I learned alliteration from Keats' 'beaded bubbles winking at the brim' and onomatopoeia that mimics the sound it describes. I enjoyed reading the classics — Dickens and Hardy, the Bronte sisters and Jane Austen, all of them. I came upon Rushdie's magic realism much later. The reading habit has helped me in my retirement. I am an octogenarian who still enjoys turning the pages of a book. As for the accent, I will stick to my Malayalam accent which can switch a statement into a question by just raising my voice with the ending word! 'Simply' wonderful!
m.alexanderthomas@gmail.com
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